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It is my birthday tomorrow. I remember the first year I met

It is my birthday tomorrow. I remember the first year I met the Narc (it was in August so my birthday was not far away) he "pulled out all the stops", card, flowers, gifts, candle lit dinner - the works!.

Fast forward, he doesn't celebrate birthdays anymore, nor Christmas, nor Valentines Day, nor Easter. In fact he doesn't celebrate any holidays.

I will be celebrating my birthday tomorrow by dressing up and doing something "nice" for myself.

I think Christmas has become very commercialized but I will celebrate my own understanding of what Christmas means to me. So, I am also planning to do one of the things I have always wanted to do and that is volunteer to feed the homeless and because I am creative and love a nice Christmas tree, I will be putting one up for the first time in many years.

I have so many things to "celebrate" - I am grateful!

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[117175]
Nov 9

@NowImNarcFree Your comment comparing the difference between your ex-narc’s family’s Christmas and your family’s celebration sooo resonated with me. The way @preciousgirl described your ex-narc’s family: “Christmas with Mr Monster's family sounds suffocating, toxic, materialistic and shallow,” was an exact description of my mother’s family’s holiday gatherings. Unfortunately that’s where we had spent most of the holidays. Everyone sat around like they were at a funeral. My aunt was the most toxic of narcs; she shot everyone down. So everyone was afraid to talk. The tension in the air was so thick you could cut it with a knife. Only now I realize how much actual physical and emotional harm that kind of negative energy can cause over a long period of time; back then I thought it was normal. No one was more materialistic than my aunt. She gave gifts with the price tags on, so people could see how expensive they were!... That was how she measured her self-worth; believe me, she had none. The way I saw how a close, loving family should behave when they got together, was once when we were invited to my father’s stepfamily’s gathering. It was such a great contrast; they laughed, sang, played the piano. The atmosphere was light and fun-loving; it was like you described your family’s holiday. I was so jealous that my family was that toxic. You grow up thinking dysfunction is normal if you have no basis of comparison. Who needs that toxic narc BS?... I hope you have a wonderful holiday with your family!.......

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[117175]
Nov 10

@preciousgirl I absolutely agree that being alone with your non-depressed self is so much better than being miserable with the narc and your depressed self. I’d prefer the former anytime!... Have a Great Birthday and Wonderful Holidays as well!.......

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[1245]
Nov 11

@preciousgirl They do have a meal but the volunteer positions were filled within 48 hours which is awesome. I’m still deciding what to do.

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