In retrospect I feel so ridiculous for having gotten so far

Liez's picture
[45]

In retrospect I feel so ridiculous for having gotten so far with him before I figured it out. The REALLY sad part is that I didn't even figure it out really. I had to take 6 months off work due to mental illness that knocked me hard on my *** to the point of agoraphobia. It was then that I started looking at my life and all the stress he had caused. My family started talking to me about how they all thought it was him that was the cause of it all. After I finally got "better" or well enough to function it took another six months for me to finally decided to leave him. Again though I wasn't sure. I was second guessing myself the whole way. I even sat down to have the "it's done" talk with him to end up listening to him and giving it some time to try and "work out". Finally I stepped back and told him it was over. After I let others know they starting telling me how they had seen how he was years ago (we were together 8yr, married 4). I was shocked.

Now we have been separated two years at the end of this month and we have 50/50 verbal custody of our 6yr old. Once I officially told him we were done I felt the full force of him having his cross-hairs on me. It has been even more of a hell ever since if it can be believed since I left him. The depressing part is that I left him to get away from his ways. Because we have a child together I will always remain attached to him in some way and it's depressing. When he gets really bad I feel like i'm still IN the relationship with him and I realize there is no escaping it. I'm stuck like this for another ten years at least until our girl is older.

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[21350]
Sep 10

@Liez, Welcome to SG and the "In Retrospect" Club! The latter is a lifetime membership. It is really difficult to break contact with someone when you are linked by a child. You have to try to do what is known as "Limited Contact," in which you spend a lot of time Gray Rocking. It makes it harder to get the Narc out of your life, but it is possible. Many of the members in our group have faced the same challenge as you and will be more than pleased to give you some insights. We all appreciate that you have joined with us and look forward to your future posts.

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Liez's picture
[45]
Sep 13

Thanx. For the most part I manage to hold it together. I've taken all sorts of measures to insure we communicate as little as possible, but when it comes to topics we do need to discuss he always manages to turn it into a **** show. I guess i need to work on my "grey rocking" methods while in his presence. :S

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jadedtothesoul's picture
[22245]
Sep 13

Liez, welcome to the group. I am so sorry to hear what you have been through. Did you ask your family why they didn't try to talk to you about this a long time ago? One good thing though, they know it's him and not you, that is a big plus for you and healing.

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