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I'm very new to learning about NPD, started reading the book

[2040]

I'm very new to learning about NPD, started reading the book "When your Perfect Partner Goes Perfectly Wrong" and it's like the author wrote this book about my husband. I have 4 kids, 2 from a previous marriage, and I have always stayed because I'm afraid. This relationship is 15 years running, and I literally feel like I'm going crazy. I'm constantly afraid. Afraid that my kids might say something to upset him, afraid of everything, ALL THE TIME. Worst yet? He works from home, and only leaves the house to work out every day. Feels like constant captivity. As I read the book, thoughts of putting together a plan to leave run through my head and then I think, I'm just too scared to. It's overwhelming. Can anyone relate? To tell me feeling crazy and afraid is actually, maybe normal?

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[2040]
Feb 19

@triplen I would love to chat. I supported you, so if you support me, we can! (I'm new here obviously...)

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[106160]
Feb 19

I can relate. When I first started my exit strategy, I felt crippled, like I was frozen. I also had some setbacks that make it harder because I am a cancer survivor with other health issues. Some of the things that helped me not feel so paralyzed were: support from this site; my faith and spiritual life; acknowledging it is okay to admit I have to feel grief and maybe I might even have become depressed and it's nothing to be ashamed of, but I don't have to let that define who I am becoming; starting to think about how good my life could be without him by working on my goals, career improvement aspirations, and knowing I could be used of God to do good things by helping others and coming out of my own myopic fog; taking baby steps that added up over time; starting to distance my emotions from him so I can think of myself as a single entity separate from him enabling me to imagine myself as single again and being okay with that rather than seeing it as a capital punishment ruining my life and leaving me without any good future; looking back and assessing all my past relationships and realizing they were all with narcs and so it's a pattern I can learn and grow from so as not to make the same mistakes again.

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ConfusedinMD's picture
[560]
Feb 19

It is perfectly normal to feel fear, apprehensions, even panic at the thought of being on your own. That's all part of being human, and it's something we've all felt in this group. If you weren't afraid, it would be easy to leave a toxic person and we wouldn't need groups like this. Take a deep breath, think things through, weigh the options, and then act, rather than react, to make your situation better.

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