I'm going to keep focused on positive things: being producti

I'm going to keep focused on positive things: being productive, and dig myself out of the hole I have created for myself. It doesn't matter what happened anymore or how I got here. I just have to get myself out. Goal: This week, call all the agencies to ask them for help making a resume for entry level social media or graphic design positions. Help me figure out if or how I can branch into the fields. Today: Make a resume for mental health, and another for graphic design. Just try. I miss working at my old job, in mental health, so I contacted my supervisor and I really hope she allows me to come by, even if it's just a few shifts I think I can really use the money and perhaps they will benefit from me being there. I'm not sure, but I can try. I'm just going to keep saying that: I'm going to try. I'm going to humble myself and try. Even if everyone hates me, even if people don't like me, even if my mom who has narcissism comes back, even if my sister says I shouldn't go back to my old job----it wasn't my job that made me miserable-----it was my home life. Let's be honest. I loved my job, most of the time. It gave me money, it gave me the ability to choose, it gave me the ability to eat food without feeling guilty or indebted or unwanted. Like a burden. Living here, even though my sister is amazing, and even though Im sick, every day I know how she feels resentment towards me. And every day I feel like a burden and it's made me feel absolutely hopeless, like I wish I was dead every day. I want a job so that I don't have to be home as much, and so I can eat some food and drink a coffee without guilt.