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I'm back once again with my moaning and groaning. I have ju

I'm back once again with my moaning and groaning.
I have just come back to the safety of my own home after my mother's funeral this morning.

Last night I realized that everybody, except from me, had been invited to coffee immediately after the service by my narc sister. Had I not already taken a stand concerning whether or not to participate in any form of a funeral feast, I would have been even more upset than I was already.

But the Roller coaster ride stopped once I arrived to the church. Good people outside the family had promised to shield me from my toxic family, and they did. I managed to bypass my sister, as she was standing at the entrance posing as the grieving daughter. Once she realized that I had managed to slip pass her, she embraced me from the back and whispered that she was soooh happy that I came. F*** you - the hell you weren't ... it would have been a victory if you could have intimidated me into shying away from my mother's funeral. She continued to say that a seat next to the family was reserved to me. I replied that I chose to sit with my mother's friends.

I don't really understand why I did not break down by the sight of my mothers coffin. I believe that I shed 3 tears during the ceremony, which happened when I gave a speech and read out my little poem.

Fast forward: As the coffin was carried to the grave, we were too many people to stand next to the grave. Me and my mother's best friend had to stand next to a hedge, and I observed how my sister was staring at me from a distance, but didn't return her stare. As the priest said "Amen", my sister took over and announced that there would be served coffee, tea, cake and - wait for it - "Freshly baked bread that me and my boyfriend baked this morning". What?!? In a situation like that I'm pretty sure that people don't really give a **** whether or not the buttered bread came from Walmarts or my sisters private oven. She could simply not resist the chance of trying to elevate herself and her gracious deeds in this context. For the first time in my life I didn't get angry or offended, I just laughed on the inside.

The priest then announced that she had to go and I was extremely quick to tell the closest standbyer's that I was leaving. And it was great - I had a wonderful talk with the priest, which turned my focus away from being concerned about how I was percieved while walking away.

I'm free! I will never ever have to face my horrible dysfunctional family, who has treated me like crap for my whole life.

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View 3 More Comments
May 16

@weena39 I am glad to hear that your mother's friends were willing to help you and stay by your side. You handled the situations with your sister like a mature adult. Unlike your sister that's for sure! I am also thrilled to hear you can now put those toxic people in your past. Again, very sorry about your mother. Mine passed away three years ago today, so I can sympathize. I am sure she was very proud of you, what strength you had to speak and read a poem. Hope your cake turns out great!

MTlost's picture
May 16

@weena39 Awesome!!! That's a good plan. You did pretty great handling things.

May 16

weena39 well done - sounds like a very healthy example of owning and exercising your power with dignity and poise. It is never easy and especially under such emotionally challenging circumstances - good for you!

Again, please accept my condolences for the loss of your mother.

Continue to be good to yourself - you deserve it.

Best wishes.


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