I'm a idiot, I just feel so ridiculous, I have an abusive bo

pepalotus's picture
[805]

I'm a idiot, I just feel so ridiculous, I have an abusive boyfriend and can't even bring myself to tell him I don't want to be with him, because I hate myself so much that even though I know time is passing and I'm losing the life I want to have, I'm too weak. No one gives af about me, not even myself, I'm a disappointment and a ******* moron. I lied to myself for four years or maybe more and am being manipulated by a mad man which I love... Why can't I be like everyone else and just leave him, what is holding me back?! Why am I so stupid?!

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[125]
Oct 12

@pepalotus This idea that you have of being stupid and unworthy are his voice not yours, therefore it's a total lie. Everything they do and say and convey into your mind is an evil lie and you must recognize this. The exact opposite is true. He wants you to think this because deep down he knows (and we know) you are actually intelligent, kind, and loving and he wants to strip these things away. Don't let him. You have realized what he is. Now everyday you will become stronger...hang in there; this beginning will lead you to the courage to see how much better you will feel away from him. hugs x

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Snoozeroni's picture
[2245]
Oct 12

I laid in bed every day and night saying to myself "this is not my life, this is not my life." I got into such a dark place that I totally got why people committed suicide. Eventually you will listen to yourself and make a move to a better place. One thing about being stripped down to the core is you have a clean foundation to start over with, and the lessons firmly in place. I've been out 11 years now. Still deal with the fallout, but I am free now. You have to give af about yourself. You know you can't stay in that situation, so start reviewing your options... Something will come up and catapult you into your new life soon... And usually it happens when we least expect it! <3

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Eyni's picture
[39680]
Oct 12

@pepalotus Hi, I think you will leave. I think you are preparing yourself. Please just stay safe.

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