I want to add to my previous post made on Dec 1st. I failed

I want to add to my previous post made on Dec 1st. I failed to mention what my bigger issue is that I would like to focus on because thus far I have mostly focused on what is not healthy in my life that exsists outside of my skin....people places and situations. I want to focus on my issues are and why I keep putting myself in harms way and why I would rather be miserable than alone. So the question I ask myself is this...Why do I keep going back to in this case who I believe has some narcissist behaviors and why I have allowed myself to become a for lack of better words a "chew toy" (not implying anything related to physical intimacy) just a figure of speech. The answer that immediately comes to my mind is "I'd rather be with him and take whatever attention I can get then nothing at all or be at home alone." I will reflect ..on this for awhile. I hope I am utilizing this support group the way it is intended. Please correct me if I am not doing so. Thank you.

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opprotunitytogrow's picture

Thank you for your support and insights. I find it very helpful, reassuring and I have felt a sense of hope since joining this group......can you imagin that feeling a sense of hope...….I have not felt any sort of hope for so long its amazing. Thank you everyone. I believe that when something real happens or is happening we feel it in our bones our hearts we can just feel it or is it that I am ready to trust and believe...….who knows but I still thank everyone for being here.

mmadlecl's picture
Dec 3

@opprotunitytogrow and Foundlove I can't tell you how many times I went back to this guy who was emotionally abusive and then I married him. I'm not a stupid woman. Yes, you would rather be abused than be alone, but there are chemical reasons within your brain that explain the back and forth behavior. Being in an abusive relationship is addictive. You have to find the respect within yourself that you deserve to make the decision to end it. It's not easy at all. You just take it a day at a time.

opprotunitytogrow's picture

mmadlecl thank you for your feed back it helps to hear what goes on in the vicious back and forth cycle I and pursuing getting myself a psychological assessment done and to continue to investigate what all maybe you g on in my mind and brain from the doctors perspective as I am a lot more open to being on medications that my brain is need g to prompt better brain activity and to treat conditions that I may have that in the past I have not been open to accepting as my truth. This will all take some time to be properly sorted out but because I no longer want to stay sick I am willing to get the help I need. And maybe tho vs won't be as drawn out as one thinks but with the proper supports and willingness on my part it won't matter how long things take I just know I'll be getting better from the inside out.


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