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I really don't know what to do :(. I was just on a life high

I really don't know what to do :(. I was just on a life high... I have been incredibly happy these past 6 months after having blocked my ex off everything and moving to a new city. I just got my PhD degree and many good friends from other cities came to celebrate and it was all so wonderful! Then it seems my ex had deleted the stalker instagram account he made and remade one since I got a message... well two from him. And with the stupidity of all the good feels I read it and now I cannot stop obsessing about replying but am so terrified of derailing all the progress.

He wrote that he was proud that I got my PhD and was sure my parents were too... asked about me (job, family etc.) and said he was sad that I no longer want to see him and was sorry he hurt me but he feels a part of him is dead since I've gone... It tore at my heartstrings, but mind you this guy imported his overseas GF to live with him for at least 9 months! And he had lied to me about it saying she was just coming for a 'long visit' and then sleeping with me. It was then that I without notice just blocked him off everything a few weeks before I skipped town.

I feel awful to have cut him off so coldly and it has normally not been all too difficult to pretend he doesn't exist but since I've left he has found creative ways to follow my social media. Now that life has been so great I have been struggling to be strict with NC (as in did not block the new weird accounts) as I just did not care whether he was stalking or not. But the message has gotten to me... I feel really bad that I did not give closure. I really just want to politely tell him that I am doing very well but I just do not want him in my life any more, but have this fear that I will open the floodgates if I do so. What should I do???

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Stillup's picture
[640]
Dec 4

What you should do is go back in time and not read his messages. Seriously though, No-contact is exactly the only kind of closure you can give a Narc. Anything else is just something they can and will use to further control and manipulate you. No-contact is a clear message that you have no more faith in them. Telling them you have no more faith in them will just sound to them like you want to have faith in them again, and they will use that as a springboard to further confuse and deceive you.

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[3645]
Dec 4

@Stillup well if we are going to go down the time-travelling route it be more effective to just wind the clock back to the point where we'd meet for our first date and just not show up. But in all seriousness, yes I should not have read the message. And I feel really bad enough within myself for doing that, so I don't understand why the need for snark remark? We all have our weak moments, and yes I messed up but I am trying and I did not reply and let it be. We all have our struggles on here, and I try to be supportive even when people mess up and return to the Narc or reply or whatever. What you are saying is of course right, and I perhaps misinterpreted the tone but just saying it would have already made a person feeling like s*** feel a lot worse

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Stillup's picture
[640]
Dec 5

@nowhere2turn205 Hi. I'm surprised by your response. I didn't foresee my comment coming across that way. I didn't want to make you feel bad at all. Thanks for pointing this out to me, I'm not sure how I could have put it differently but I will think about that before posting in the future. I think I just intended a little humor, definitely not condemnation. Maybe I'll try to stick more to being straightforward.

I have two texts on my phone from a narc right now, that I've never read. Every once in a while that crosses my mind. And it's kind of therapeutic. Those unread texts are proof to me that I'm no longer on the hook. I truly have no desire to read them, it's not even a temptation. It took me a long time and plenty of pain to get to that point. I'm just relieved that I did get there. It means no more faith in the unfaithful; no more subjecting my heart to the unloving. It's that sense of relief you get when you wake from a nightmare and realize it's over, you are out of its grasp completely.

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