I haven't posted in a long time because it's been same ****,

LivingOnAPrayer's picture
(10870)

I haven't posted in a long time because it's been same ****, different day for the most part. However, things with my husband have gotten worse, and I've been feeling down lately, so I believe I'm finally at my tipping point of needing out. I'm feeling guilty thinking about divorce right now, as his mother just died recently after spending 2+ years slowly declining in a nursing home. But I keep trying to tell myself that if roles were reversed he wouldn't be supporting me like I need him to. When I tried to comfort him at his mother's funeral, at first I had my hand pushed away. I think that says a lot. He eventually took the support, to a point, when he broke down during the funeral, but I think in that moment he might have accepted it from almost anyone. I've checked into individual counseling, as I've put up with my marriage the way that it is for 6 years, but the cost of counseling almost floored me. It's expensive enough where I think I need to do this on my own, instead of having a counselor help me gather more strength and courage to get out. My insurance doesn't cover it, and I make just enough that a sliding fee scale doesn't apply. Every time I try to start making plans to get out, my anxiety over what's going to happen and how he's going to react takes over, and I don't do anything to make moves to get out. Financially over the last 1-2 years I've gotten almost everything situated to make a divorce much easier, so that's one thing I have on my side. I have a couple friends that know what's going on, but they're also his friends. I haven't told my parents or sister yet about what's going on. I guess what I'm looking for by posting here is some support, encouragement, and validation that even though his mom just died I still need to fight for what's right for me and my happiness. Thank you.

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LivingOnAPrayer's picture
(10870)
Sep 26

@kelly72 Thank you, I appreciate the encouragement and the kindness, and most definitely the assurance that things are beyond help and I just need to quit wasting my time with him. I definitely am empathic and I know that's likely why I was targeted. Over the last year I've made steps to be more separate from him financially, so I guess I should give myself credit for that, and then keep moving forward with the NEED to leave him, not just the want. Thanks again.

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kelly72's picture
(84670)
Sep 26

@LivingOnAPrayer Making the necessary steps is what is important. Sounds like you are thinking about that, good job. Just remember this: NO matter how much you think you'll be OK, plan with safety in mind. Always.

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Justwanttobeloved's picture
(16390)
Sep 26

@LivingOnAPrayer good luck

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