This week's Topic: Giving yourself permission to be imperfect!!!

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I haven’t posted anything on here in a long time but I fee


I haven’t posted anything on here in a long time but I feel I’m getting to the point where I need to. I dated a narcissist for a few years who bartender at a local little shithole where my sister and good friends all would frequent. After a few court dates and restraining orders with my narc I’ve been completely out of contact with him for almost a year and have actually moved on with someone I want to marry. All that is great, but I still feel like I’m suffering the emotional and psychological repercussions of that relationship. When it ended, I was banned from that local bar even though I was the one being abused and that guy no longer even works there. My sister has continued to go to this place and it has put a strain on my relationship with her and a few others I considered to be good friends. Yesterday, my sister invited a lot of these people to my moms house to swim and I was having bad anxiety being around this group. I vented to my boyfriend about (which I hate doing because he’s heard enough about it) and drama ensued from there with a few of those people leaving. I can’t help but feel guilty for being mean but I also don’t feel like anyone considers or cares about the trauma that I immediately associate with that group of people. The hardest part for me has been the isolation and silencing. Has anyone else had relationships ruined because your ex?

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CKBlossom's picture
Aug 3

Have you considered therapy to help you deal with these very valid feelings and working on strategies on how to deal when they crop up.

Justwanttobeloved's picture
Aug 3

My heart goes out to you. It's not uncommon to have psychological/emotional repercussions due to the abusive relationship you endured.

Congratulations on not only moving on, but finding a healthy relationship! It must feel like a breath of fresh air.

On top of what you've had to endure with your ex, you're now banned from the bar that you used to frequent with your sister and friends. Instead of giving you support, validating your feelings, and standing by your side, they are still going to that bar! I can only imagine the hurt, loneliness, and betrayal that you feel. They could have easily started hanging out at a new spot, WITH you. The fact that they STILL continue to invalidate or recognize how their actions hurt you, is not on you.

Have you ever tried sitting them down, and asking them why they're doing that? If they refuse to acknowledge your feelings after that, then it'll show you their true colors.

Are you able to go to a therapist to deal with what you've gone through? That way it won't dominate your life.

I wish you much luck on your journey. If you ever need/want to talk, I'm here.

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