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I have a question. I left my narc over 7 months ago, spent


I have a question. I left my narc over 7 months ago, spent some time alone, got thru the hoover, devalue, discard cycles a little scarred but I made it. I have been dating a wonderful, sweet, caring, "normal" man for 2 months and we are doing well. He isn't rushing or pushing. We are getting to know each other and our fondness and feelings are growing at a normal rate. (no love bombing) He is considerate and compassionate and when I have little meltdowns from my past demon narc he hugs me and talks to me and helps me work through it. He wants us to heal and grow together and become best friends who are also in a loving relationship. Honestly, it is the most normal mature adult relationship I have ever been in.... so tell me... why do I still have flashbacks of the narc? Is it normal to get flare ups of thinking of seeing him and remembering our old times together? Or to even still have flashes of anger and want revenge for what he did to me? I am completely no contact, and haven't heard from him. He is out of my life - as he should be. I am happy and content and looking forward to the future with my new wonderful guy.... but sometimes... like today... sigh...

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kelly72's picture
May 16

The narc is part of our history whether we like it or not. I think as long as you are comparing in your mind for the sake of knowing you are better off that it's quite normal. Just don't allow it to become part of your relationship or come between you. I'm going on 9 years of escaping the monster and I still remember things and compare in subtle ways but only on here or if I have a friend or relative in an abusive situation. It came up some in the beginning but as we became emotionally attached, it faded from the radar of our own relationship.

BiskiT12's picture
May 16

@freeone1234 "my ex covert narc and her overt narcissistic family..." I feel like we went through the same thing. I feel bad for the next person too sometimes. But not really because my ex left me for her. LOL. Agree that focusing on ourselves and healing is the best thing.

freeone1234's picture
May 16

Nice to meet you! Yeah, I can see an upside there that would translate to a little payback and maybe a thank you card with a sympathy card inside too! I was not in a healthy place when I met her and now I'm in a much, much better place, but working on me being happy!


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