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I get paralyzed with fear sometimes. Which makes me shut of

I get paralyzed with fear sometimes. Which makes me shut off and not want to do anything. I'm afraid of what I'm planning to do( leave this relationship). I think of all the reasons it's not going to work. I think of it hurting my kids, friends, colleagues. I tell myself that I can make the relationship work it's not too bad...I'll just get stronger. I'm pathetic I think. This is super hard

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kelly72's picture
Jan 15, 2018

So sorry you are in an abusive relationship with a narcissist. It's horrible. I've been there. I had fears the same as you but you get enough and don't care! When you get to the point that you realize Why Care? then you're ready. A narc is an empty evil self-absorbed abuser. Their souls are deep empty black holes stained with old tar, the scars of their own lives. They use those scars occasionally to rationalize their abusive behavior to gain sympathy and forgiveness. Don't fall for it. They're useless monsters that only get worse. Trust me when I tell you they get worse with age. Mine (barf) was 50. A 50 year old narc is a lot worse than what he was at half that age. The Grinch gets greener and meaner! He was a seasoned veteran narc. He was very mean, abusive and hateful but he was also very sly and told many lies. He was good at it. More than I even gave him credit for at the time. One thing you must do when planning your exit is to keep it quiet. Think and scheme out every little aspect of it and plan for the unexpected. When you get out, stay out. Don't look back, ever. You'll decide when you are ready, in the meantime please be safe. Stay with us and let us know you are OK. I welcome you to SG and I send you prayers, love and hugs.

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Jan 15, 2018

You are not responsible for his actions or theirs. No matter what. Try to be gentle with yourself. Hugs!!

Jan 16, 2018

@CiaraLou OMG, I am so sorry to hear what you have been through!... That is huge trauma upon trauma, and you have every right to your feelings. I understand how terrible it must feel to be blamed for any of what happened. Please believe us, NOTHING WAS YOUR FAULT!... It is tragic what happened, and the family, in their anger and grief, needs someone to blame. But your are the victim; rape and abuse is never the victim’s fault. You are not responsible for anyone else’s actions, except your own. The narcissist will always blame the victim for everything. They will never take responsibility or accountability for their actions. They see themselves as victims, in their distorted way of thinking, and the real victim as the abuser. They say the opposite of the truth, and most of what they say are lies and distortions. Please read the article I posted on turning self-criticism into self-compassion. You need to be kind and gentle with yourself. I suggest you find a therapist who is trained in treating trauma; if you don’t already have one......

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