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I am so sad today . My boyfriend of 3 years assaulted me 4 d

I am so sad today . My boyfriend of 3 years assaulted me 4 days ago, and is claiming I did it to myself. I had no contact until last night because of some things that needed to be addressed with our kids and financially. He responded to my email saying he was better than ever and on a good life path. Still claiming all my bruises I gave to myself. But he “still” loves me. He also said he now has a life coach, almost had me forgetting that he is the one who beat my face up and forced me
To take 3 extra days off work. No remorse, no, how are you. I did go to the police and will get a restraining order moreso for me for when I feel weak. He is more caught up on who left who. It hurts that he is denying what he did and also more that he is acting like now that I am out of the way he is going to have a great life. He hasn’t worked in 3 years hardly, has no car and is at his mom’s, the reason all this came down was I told him I was done being emotionally and verbally abused by him, and that I would not support him and share a car with him if he was choosing not to be in this relationship.

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[340]
Jun 14

@PeaceBwU I am really struggling with my own thoughts, I go through every emotion on a loop and I feel like I am going crazy! The police havent returned my calls, and I am so mad I sent a quick short but angry email and broke my no contact, I was just so angry he brought drugs into my home, that he was doing it, and if he was doing that...what if he did other things and no I just want to get tested for STDs. I am whirlpooling around our entire relationship, what was fact and what wasn't, how much I did not know, how such a smart, pretty me got up with him, I am angry because I miss the him he let me fall for. I know he is just hiding, broke, hoping he doesn't go to jail. Its hard to keep my resolve when I feel like nobody is doing anything. But I know I love myself better than he ever could or would.

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[540]
Jun 15

@Merbabe I'm sorry! I'm here and listening! I know this is really hard. When we get involved intimately with someone we give a piece of our soul and heart. It makes a mess awhile until we grow and heal. Please just keep pursuing doing what's right. Sometimes when we find ourselves in a mess it takes perseverance and time to get out of it.
I'm proud of you for loving yourself and seeing your value and worth! Don't waste time asking the how and why's. Look at what good looks like and move forward to do it. We can spend our days miserable and drive ourselves batty trying to figure out the things that we'll never understand and may never get answers to. We only have control of ourselves and what we can do to grow and make our best life. You are worth the best! Big hugs!

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[540]
Jun 15

@Merbabe I took DBT (dialectical behavior therapy) and learned when big emotions are trying to take over they are indicators not identity. It is hard in emotional states but combatting and taking every word captive really is a battle worth fighting. I learned over a very long time that catching the thought and stopping it in it's tracks. Don't believe it or judge it. Rather, is it giving you information? If it's just self defeating thoughts then stop them and argue them down with truth about your value and worth, a hopeful future, and things that speak life to you. It can feel like your overwhelmed and fighting it every second of the day. On those days accept it's ok to be in survival mode and your job to succeed is combatting those thoughts. We all have our A game days, B, C D and F game days. You're going through a lot of stress and so remember the battle isn't with who you are or value. When you overcome you'll see the what I'm saying....you aren't crazy. Be gentle with yourself. Big Hugs!

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