This week's Brilliant New Topic: It is Thanksgiving next week y'all, where has the year gone???
November 19th, 2020


I am new to the group and live with a narcissist. After seve

I am new to the group and live with a narcissist. After several hours of his ranting and raving because he's sick of me not believing him i finally came out to the couch. His episodes just get worse and worse. And don't argue because then he'll have to bust out the bullying and threats hoping to scare you into submission. Pathetic. So many years of this ****. So many layers of resentment and deceit. And no matter how you explain it to them they are unwilling to see or admit what they are doing. Its like they live on a different planet. I have really come to despise him. The predictability of bull**** yet you let them think they got one over on you completely forgetting they gave you the same line of crap a month ago. If you confront them or say didnt you say you needed to buy that last week, or didn't you say you had to run there a few days ago...they call u crazy, tell u your making up stories, fly off the handle and overreact....that way u keep your mouth shut. And the worse your secluded the worse it gets. The only thing that gives me peace is knowing that I am the better person, and when the time is right and I ghost him, he will most certainly be crying like a little baby and ill be smiling like its Christmas because I broke free and can finally be happy.

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Nov 25

Married 17 years to one... still trying to wrap my head around it and turn myself right. I really lost myself and feel the same in many respects. I feel anxious about waving to a neighbor as we drive by for fear I'll be questioned "Why are you waving to THEM?" I have to consider who I give the most food to and the best looking food to at dinner so I don't trigger a silent/sulking period that is so uncomfortable to be around. etc... And I too am realizing day by day how turned around I am, how much of my true self I have repressed over the years without even knowing it.
Thank you for sharing. You are not alone. Be strong and focus on who YOU are, and try to let that inch out if you can, express it in little ways. It may seem trivial, but it may help. For example, this morning mine was commenting on a picture of our old neighbors in the context of 'Look how white trash they are', but not in so many words. My first reaction was to 'be agreeable' and go with it for fear of 'being on the wrong page'. But instead I said something like 'Well, whatever makes them happy". It seems stupid, but for ME, they looked happy, and together as a family, and that's all. They were really nice people. So to not play into her 'we're better than them' in that little way let me express how I really felt, just a tiny bit. But it still felt good, and I feel like I can maybe go further next time.
I'm sure I'll get a 'I don't know who you are anymore' sooner or later, and it'll be really hard dealing with all the crap... but I have to be me and let it play out.
Take care Freespirit78 and everyone else.

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Nov 25

What he is doing is intentional and he is not crazy. Everything a narcissist does is thought out and used on purpose to control you. They don’t really love you the way you love or loved them. Their love for you is what you supply them in life and is conditional. What you decide to do today will inevitably effect how your life will be tomorrow. It’s up to you and nobody else.

Nov 27

@MrBill Good for you. I feel great empathy for you and your daughter in what I can only imagine, from my own experience, is very difficult, challenging and painful.

I spent many years "reconnecting" with who I really am and learning to express it - including 10 years attending Co-dependents Anonymous Meetings, reading, researching, learning, changing and growing.

However, I agree with what you say that learning to express yourself is not without "danger" whilst still in the relationship and your safety must always be your first consideration. As long as YOU are safe, you can help your daughter.

Well done and good luck - I am cheering you on.


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