How my narc strung me along was preposterous. I offered him

How my narc strung me along was preposterous. I offered him so many good negotiations for an amicable separation or divorce and he'd never cooperate but never admitted to his affair or apologized and expected me to stay and maybe even compete. If he would have been honest I could have forgiven him and if he wanted to be with another I would have let him go. Instead he strung me along and even wanted me to compete with the others. Um, no, I'll never compete for any man. The absurdity.

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Scat's picture
Mar 21, 2020

@Foundlove, yes he did, he had more than one source, literally everyone from the librarian to the store checker to the postal worker was yet another potential source. It was bad enough when he was flirting. But when I was recovering from four cancer surgeries and found out he was cheating with our next door neighbor, that was the last straw. Yes, once we sell the house between now and this summer I'll never have to see his lying face again.

kelly72's picture
Mar 22, 2020

@canletgo222 Your feelings of sadness about time wasted on these predatory baboons is so normal. I was recently divorced at age 42 when I got sucked into the narc web. He made me feel like an absolute perfect princess. I gag at the thought. Of course, he turned out to be a complete monster and I felt like a fool falling for it especially considering that I was being SOO careful, so vigilant... I was educated, full of common sense, kind, a great mother, had tried hard to be the perfect wife of 22 years prior to the narc, a good Christian, good cook, great housekeeper, kept up my looks and figure... the whole 9 yards.... I was NOT immune to this. In fact, I was the perfect target for a predator. I just didn't realize it then. Your feelings are normal but realize that unless you were wonderful, you would not have been targeted. Rest in knowing you are the one blessed, not him. I understand what you are saying. I remember it all too well. I made excuses, I delighted in his "good" moments, I believed him at first, and I even thought at one time early in the relationship that maybe he was right that I had been too spoiled by my first husband who had been too quiet, too uninvolved, etc. I mistook his control and domineering as strength and interest. I had no idea at that moment that I was about to be totally devalued and formed into his robot. I honestly was like everyone else just in awe saying WTH and accepting his apologies and excuses which eventually turned into everything was my fault and I needed "lessons" everything had to change for the better because it wasn't his idea, not his decor, not his furniture, not his complete and stifling mean nasty complete control. I couldn't take it. Escaping him left me feeling the same way you describe about the sadness, the thoughts, etc. It took me quite a while, but I eventually became the person who was grateful for the learning experience. When I realized that I had fallen for an image, a faked future, a predator, I was done and I have evolved into someone who is sad that these people exist but I'm no longer sad that it happened. I would have never met my current husband and experience the peace and companionship of his sweet soul if I hadn't lived and learned the whole horrible trauma. I survived, I thrived, you will, too. I will pray for you. Right now, it is a gorgeous day in KY and we are tired of being shut in. I delight in the fact that we are heading for a state park to get exercise, fresh air, appreciate what God has given, pray to Him to heal this world of covid19, and most all enjoy the person that treats me with kindness and respect. That is what you have to look forward to. Continue your healing journey and become a peaceful, contented single person. They are the ones who meet wonderful partners. You'll get there. Hugs and prayers.

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Mar 22, 2020

@kelly72 thank you for your kind words and support. Honestly I don't think I would be as far along as I am if it wasn't for this group. I am glad you have found love and happiness. I am 42 as well. I guess that's the age for a new life. Lol. I am glad you were able to get out and enjoy the day. It's definitely been really weird here. All retail stores are closed except grocery stores and pharmacies. Restaurants are closed except for take out. Stores are running out of stuff (water, toilet paper etc). I hope keeping social distance from everyone and the less stuff open the quicker this will go away.


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