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Hie, I am new and desperately seeking help, unfortunately I

Hie, I am new and desperately seeking help, unfortunately I cannot share my story with known entities. I need to know what happened to my life in the described 1-2 months. I am awkward, ashamed and hurt all the same. I am not here to place blame, I just want to have some clarity. I am not perfect, I do have childhood and relationship baggage. I have a knack for problems so here goes:
I am betrothed, met this guy at a part-time workplace. He is a superior. He shared his contact but it was me who initiated the first text. I was grieving a personal loss at the time and was feeling disconnected with my life. I guess I also lacked an appreciation for what I had right in front of me. I know better now.

Well, the conversation went beautifully on the first day. Second day, he says things like he would like to cook for me, suggests music and talks about love in the most poetic way. It blew my mind. At that point I did tell him about my betrothal as well as the fact that it cannot be undone. Well, third day, he asks me to move in with him and live the remaining days happily. It was just dreamy all the way, poetry like I was imagining things. We would text all hours of the day.
It was all happening just so fast. He had a series of bad experiences starting with his mother. These women had cheated on him and quite brutally, to be honest. I feel sorry for him, but right now, it seems hard to believe.
Then comes the time that the texts slow and this is matter of weeks. He said work was busy.I felt I was being too needy (I am really not). He would throw triggers like he is unwell or things are rough over a random morning text and that would send me off on finding out more.
I requested that he would not talk about "us" at work due to uncertainty of the situation. Well he kind of did but kept my identity concealed (thank god). A girlfriend of mine mentioned how he was flirting with her. Well, I thought I was anyways declining his offer, maybe he was looking elsewhere and this is good. Week three and she says he is getting touchy-feely with her. But he was deep in a relationship with me at the point. He wanted to be physical and I wasn't sexually active. Well, it happened and of course I must've been pretty bad. He spoke about a crazy girl he was seeing. I heard from another colleague. This just broke my heart. I am a successful professional..but maybe I was behaving like a crazy person..can't be sure.
Well, I spoke to him and asked if he was interested in this other girl and if that is the case, I was happy being his friend and that he could go forward. he said he was just being a supportive friend to her and that it was "me" he wanted. My girlfriend also liked him (she told me that). I thought this was perfect for them. I was in wrong place at the wrong time.
He has passion for writing often was exhausted and sick. I invested in some items for him so he could pursue his passion (money is not the issue here). He always superficially said thanks and took everything I gave. He never even offered to pay for one dinner that wen went to. Not a big deal but strange. Well, as per my colleague, his flirtations were increasing. I asked both of them to go ahead. At one point they do exchange numbers. This is Wednesday.
My girlfriend can't stop gushing about exchanges and shows me the texts. They are similar to how our conversation started. He is still texting me love-filled texts about how I should sleep over at his place.
I did not confront him but when he kept making up stories about how I was pushing him to her, I mentioned that I know about their conversations and that it would make it easier if he owned up to liking her more than me.This is Thursday.
Well, Friday he tells me that things will move fast unless I make up my mind and take him forever. I declined and said I was very happy for them.
He asked her to meet him the same Friday night and come Saturday, they are together. I am truly happy for them, but what the hell happened???
I asked him not to talk about me to my girlfriend, since she might feel betrayed. He mentioned it would work badly for both of us and he did not agree to deleting my texts. I had to request a meeting to formally "breakup". He was not sad or upset or had any remorse, he seemed excited. He was cooking for her, buying wines, planning dinners. I was history but so soon... in a matter of hours?
I left heart broken, blocked his number. Days later for whatever reason I unblocked him and there he was!
At a group dinner at his place, he was complementing me and hugging me (not in a general way). His girlfriend was right there!
I blocked him again..days later unblocked (I know..I'm stupid). He said how the embargo was working out and that he was not sure of the relationship he was in. I was his most liked person in the world. I was avoiding him. That I should meet him for a movie, alone. Its all me! How did I make him do something??? I am supposed to be intelligent?? What is wrong with me?? What did I get myself into??? What do I do?

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Cassidy44's picture
May 8, 2019

Hi, I am in a similar boat and I know how hard it is to deal with all this! As frustrating as it is, it will help a lot to try to distance yourself emotionally. At times I just want to scream the truth, but I know then I would look like the crazy one. It's quite a set up! As far as healing yourself, it will help a lot to begin to dissolve the energy ties with this person and any other toxic people in your life. I have found this site and the rituals very helpful.


Once you are free from all this, it will be so liberating! Sending you comfort and compassion!

May 15, 2019

@silentbuddha My narc's mother was dying, and then did eventually pass. He used that to suck me back in, so "be with him, so he wouldn't be alone" and guess what.... it was all a game to him. He had a side chick after i left him, and he was just trying to get me back. he USED my empathy and compassion to triangulate me with her. He used me and drug me back into his web for another round at bat.... all the while cheating with her. Of course he was telling her I wouldn't leave him alone which was a lie. eventually i got past the grief of losing his mother (she and i had become close), and i realized what he was doing. I said... NO MORE, and got the heck out of there while he still had her to divert his attention.
DO NOT FALL FOR THE NARC'S GAMES! They will use your emotion and empathy to pull your strings and keep you in their web. If you can escape - do it. His feelings and problems are NOT your responsibility. you can send him good thoughts and prayers from a distance. you can send a card to his mom if you need to feel empathetic, but you must must must get away from him NOW.

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May 15, 2019

Thanks you guys! Today is a really bad day! Well bad...week..I don't know. If you are as miserable as me, don't read this. next two paragraphs are me whining.
I think about him, unfortunately, more than I would like. I think of the intimacy we shared, short and too quick but it was so real for me. How dare he say I owe him a conversation???? Makes me mad, but I can't even talk back without the risk of getting sucked back in. He texted me from one of the places I asked him to meet me very early on. For a moment there I thought "oh my god he remembers" and the idiot that I am ... I asked...******* (sorry) did not even respond...I feel so useless..Why did I respond??? Idiot Idiot Idiot me!!! I still keep looking at my phone hoping to hear from him, though I don't want to talk to him. I know I feel pathetic about it! He was so ...blunt and mean with me but this new girl, they are copulating like rug-rats and he is so nice to her...I know I'm a little reserved about getting into bed too fast and too soon, plus it was my first time but c'mon!!!! I just needed to whine!!
This new flame of his (my GF) can't stop talking about her sexual ...adventures... and I can't help but feel miserable (after I am done pretending I am so happy for her). I am genuinely happy for her but man, why was it such a nightmare for me! Am I just a jealous ex?? and he has found his soulmate..he's doing everything that I had asked for before, like taking care of himself and stuff like that ..but as per him, he's listening to her(my GF says this)... Was I that bad??? Daaaaaaahhh...I'm so sad-mad right now!!

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