Hi, I'm trying to figure out if my MIL is a narcissist. She

Hi, I'm trying to figure out if my MIL is a narcissist. She definitely lacks empathy and is self centered but also capable of generosity and never overtly negative towards me (but can be very hard on my spouse, her son) The thing that has really thrown me more than anything else is an incident that happened earlier this summer. My 4 year old lost consciousness on the way to hospital with suspected pneumonia. I had to call 911 and when we got him to hospital he was very ill, having trouble breathing, requiring lots of oxygen etc I text my in laws at some point later that day to let them know what had happened. His grandmother text back something benign like 'may God take care of him' and then we heard nothing from her or her husband for a full 2 days....he was extremely ill and as his parents we were terrified. After 2 days she sent a text to ask how he was and after a lot of thought I decided to gently let her know we were hurt that they had not been in touch. She replied that she had been traumatized herself by our sons illness and that she felt faint at the exact time he lost consciousness (this turned out to be off by a day timing wise) and that she is psychically linked to him and doesn't need to call and ask about him as she just 'knows' Her husband also sent an angry text defending her and saying again that she just 'knows' what's going on etc and doesn't need to get in touch. I was so hurt that they could know my son was so ill and not need to know he was okay or not want to call and talk to him or us. It's consistent with a history of not keeping in touch and having little to no interest in their grandkids but this was an eye opener. I think I was in denial before and now I'm so hurt and angry I don't know how I can stand to be around them on their annual 2 week visit next year. I'm driving myself crazy trying to understand them. I'd love to hear any opinions. She did eventually apologize in a text about 3 days later. We think my sister in law had a word with her but the family MO is to pretend the entire thing never happened. There are a million more incidents but for me this was by far the most hurtful as I can't think of any excuse that could make it okay. Thanks in advance for any advice!

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[37540]
Oct 12

Welcome to SG! The super Natural excuse. The technique is usually used as an excuse to hoover. "I had a dream last night and you were in it." "The steam from the shower highlighted your name on the mirror and I had a premonition to call you." "The cat knocked the coffee can over and the coffee grounds hit the floor and I saw an image of your face." "I just know things about you and I can't explain it." Is your husband an only child? If your MIL is narcissist, she would see her Son as an extension of herself. She may be playing a punishment/reward game. By not taking interest in her grandchild, she may be communicating he is of no value because she is unhappy with her Son. The Narcissist Group extends you a warm welcome and encourages you to do some reading and lots of posting. Many of us have found that by reaching out to support others, we actually receive help with our own problems. At the bottom of the page is a "FAQ" button which will help you navigate the site. Anytime you have a question, just post it and a member will answer as soon as possible. Please make yourself at home. We are pleased to have you join in with us. See you on the threads!

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[30]
Oct 12

Thanks Ducktape, really appreciate your reply and the warm welcome! I think you're right, the supernatural excuse could be very handy to a narcissist...lots of flexibility to justify behavior. Thanks again, glad to be here!

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