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Hi I'm in a "relationship" with a lady. We do not live toge


I'm in a "relationship" with a lady. We do not live together, but I have so far visited her a few times - we live in different cities

 At first she just came with compliments to me. She claimed we were soulmates and meant for each other. She gave me a lot of attention and was very kind to me. She talked about getting married. How many children we should get together. How wonderful future we would get together. Etc. I fell in love. She presented herself as the world's best girlfriend. And that she never understood why married couples argued and became unfriendly.

However, I feel a feeling now after half a year that the person I first became familiar with does not really exist. .
There are some things I think are strange:

She always needs money for something. Often in the form of hints and a charm offensive in advance to make me happy. "The next time you get here everything gets a lot better! I need to borrow money or I'm going to buy aaa .."

She often corrects and criticizes me when we have a conversation. When I try to kiss her she rejects me. Then she kisses me 10 minutes afterwards. And try to give me direct commands "Get the coffee. Open the window. Give me $ 5. Go to buy food."

The mood fluctuates from day to day

She can switch between describing her friends as angels and demons. Misunderstand me often in the worst sense

When I was there last time she became extremely angry a couple of times. Never seen a human being so angry before. I was unlucky and fell on the floor. Instead of asking if I had a pain, she began to yell. "Do not disturb the neighbors". She presented herself as an empath last year when I first met her.

sarcasm at my expense..example. "Have you been to a madhouse?" Just kidding "..." Just throw your toothbrush in the toilet when you leave! Just kidding ..

She describes all her former partners very negatively. The first had borderline personality disorder, according to her. And it ended that she ended up in prison because of a misunderstanding about money. The other tried to hurt her. The third I know little about.

She has no contact with her family. Saying they do not understand her and blame her for everything that's wrong. She is right in everything.

 Feeling I have to think about everything I say and do a hundred times, for fear of getting a angry reaction in return.

Sended me a message one evening that a man would sleep with her. The next day there were 2 messages that she loves me. She claims this man is her best friend and that they have never been together and never had sex. Strangely, I see in the conversation log that she wrote to me on an earlier occasion that she had terminated the relationship with him. "

Sitting and chatting online with other men when I'm there. And commenting on how stupid they are trying to flirt with her.

I realize I've been stupid and been blinded for a long time by the charm I met at the start. I have always felt that it has been my fault when the mood has been bad and as a consequence tried to "help her" with money when it has been needed. Wanted to get back the kind and happy lady she was at the start.
It was these extreme anger outbreaks when I was there last time which made me "wake up" and search for explanations. And when I have thought through everything in perspective, I see that this is not normal behavior.

I'm getting very worried and am just afraid of how this will develop. I have been emotionally exhausted in recent months.

What do you mean? Is this typical behavior of narcissistic people?
What should I do?

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Apr 29

Yes, I realize these people can trick the smartest of us. Possible the psychiatrist did not have child development as a special field. There are many types of psychiatrists.

I experienced some similar things when my parents divorced when I was a child. And it created confusion, fear and sadness. It lasted a few years, until my father moved far away. I remember he washed all my clothes because they were not "clean enough" and lots of weird stuff. To make fun of my mother. When I was with Mom, she spoke badly about him, and when I was with him, he spoke badly about her. Absolutely absurd really. So what your daughter's experiences, I've experienced myself. And it's stressful for a little child.

Yes, I live in Norway. I guess you live in the US? D
I'm fine, although still thinking about this. It has been painful in its own way. There is still activity on the other phone. Strange that that person never gives up .. Seems almost obsessed. I get almost a bad conscience not to respond, but I have to try to resist the temptation.

Sending you good thoughts. Sometimes life can be hard. That is for sure. Hope you have friends who help you and talk about this. It may be difficult to carry alone.

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Apr 29

I think you're right! Have been thinking a lot about it the past few weeks when I studied NPD. Both of my parents have NPD traits. And explains much of their behavior. Unlike my "soulmate", who is at the top of the NPD scale, they are a bit more human. It's possible this has made me more receptive to being treated badly and lowering boundaries. : - /

Karinah's picture
Apr 30

@Norway - That is true about the psychiatrist specialty. And, I remember the badmouthing of the other parent when I was a child too. I hated it. In my case, what my mother said was true and warranted. But, still I should not have had to hear it. I'm sure this is part of the reason I am sensitive to the fact I do not want my child exposed to any of it. What you said about your Dad re-washing your clothes, is exactly the kind of behavior I am referring to. My ex-N prides himself in coming up with all these covert and ugly behaviors that will degrade me in front of our child.

Yes, I'm in the US -- west coast. Great that you are staying NC. Very smart! When my ex-N wanted something, he would NOT take no for an answer. He stayed focused and determined until he got what he wanted. He would use any method necessary, mind you. But typically he did get what he wanted. So, he would not have gived up either. It is certainly a kind of obsession. Too bad these people cannot use their talents for good rather than selfish purposes. I understand feeling bad about not responding. It's simply in your nature.
I am trying not to talk with friends as much about my ex-N or narcissism in general. I believe you can get emotionally hurt if you share with people who have not had similar experiences. Also, when you're a parent, there is a lot of pre-conceived ideas. People want to see 2 parents caring about each other for the sake of their child. They will look down at you for saying the truth about a narcissistic parent. Hence, all my posts here lately. This is a healthier, safer place to vent, heal, and cope with co-parenting. Thank you for the good thoughts. Right back at ya!! Oh and my mom is 100% scandinavian (mostly norweigan). But her family has been in the US for a long time. She loves the culture. One of these days soon we're going to research the family tree.
Stay warm :)

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