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Hi, I am new to this group. I was married to a covert narcis

Hi, I am new to this group. I was married to a covert narcissist for twenty years and am now divorced yet still have to deal with him since we have two almost adult kids together. He divorced me which in the end was the best thing that could of happened to me but now I feel like I am in ptsd from his hold for so long and am looking for support.

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[320]
Jan 25

@CL061 very helpful, I like your information without the pointed anger.

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susan78's picture
[300]
Jan 26

As my kids grow and can see each of their parents for who they are I am aware of my own behavior and try to be a role model in my own way. They will see each us as who we are in the world. My ex shut the door when he left but there were times when the crazy texts would come I had to erase it all in order to keep safe from his anger. He never called me names when we were together but after the divorce I knew he would be pissed. His emotions run the show and his logic isn’t very strong but I realized his lack of empathy was where he would never even be able to understand where I might be. It was always about him and what he wanted the careers and constantly changing hobbies, he just fried me and I tried to allow it to make our marriage work. But he wore me down like Chinese water torture. I was done, a doormat. We moved to a new house and state for the kids school and his new job. After only three months in the new place he left. I was still reeling from the move and my mother’s death and my dad was in a finically crisis. Being me I went to help out to help my dad while my ex’s mom watched the kids. He already had his new girlfriend was supposedly trying to break it off but that didn’t last. His need and lack of self control took over that’s when I saw his compartmentalism. The man in his uniform and the boy in his white outfit. It was bizarre.
I am glad to be done with him but with kids it is forever too. So I put my big girl pants back on and am doing me each day as best as I can. I am still in the house but soon it will be too big and I will be making some new big decisions once my youngest graduates and moves on. I know how to love and value my own self and will try to not allow his negativity to pull me down. Learning how to protect myself with boundaries is powerful work, it helps to see the brokenness in people and work to allow my love and life to shine no matter what. Life is too short.

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[1855]
Jan 30

susan 78 when my husband was working he would always be changing jobs, not so much his occupation but whom he worked for. He also would change hobbies and would never get rid of all the old hobbie supplies. I too tried to allow it in order for him to find some kind of contentment. He was so full of negativity I was hoping his hobbies would give him some joy.

I am sorry to hear that after a big move to the new place he left. I do think it is a good idea to be in the house until your youngest moves out just for stability sakes. Do you think you will keep the house you are in or moving? I am currently in the marital home and have been looking at houses. So far I have not found anything great. I guess I am comparing the houses I look at to the house I am currently in.

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