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Hi I’m new here. I’m currently divorcing a covert narcis

Hi I’m new here. I’m currently divorcing a covert narcissist (marriage was 21 years). I’m just now coming to terms with how manipulative and emotionally abusive he was to me. I even still wonder if it was really me who was the abuser in the marriage until I start listing off all the stuff he’s done over the years.

I have good and bad days. I’m still mourning the idea of him and the reality of my life over the last 21 years - so much was an illusion.

View 4 More Comments
Dec 7

I have that same sense of paranoia sometimes, "Wait, what if I AM the one who is the abuser?" And it's like one of those psychological thrillers where the person realizes they are actually the bad seed in the story. You're right - you have to reality check your fear. There is a post somewhere below about what are the insults you endured, etc. and that was SUPER helpful to me to list them all out there. I copied them into my notes so I can read them every time I get teary eyed over the "good times."
It's inspiring that you said you are mourning the loss of the illusion of him - that is what we all need to come to realize, but it's so easy to just think it will be different in the future somehow. Thank you for reminding me of the crucial pieces for recovery and moving on.
Please also keep us posted on your thoughts and journey.

Daniel1018's picture
Dec 7

@PetiteBrunette Remember the person you were before you met the narcissist. No one called you crazy, no one thought you were crazy. You know who you are. God sees who you are.

Dec 7

After you spend some time reading and posting in these support groups, you start to notice trends or like comments. The narcissist has symptoms which help us to identify them. Victims have symptoms also. Thinking that you were the narc or the abuser is actually a symptom that you were abused.


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