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Hi guys, this is my first post but I have been reading bits

Hi guys, this is my first post but I have been reading bits from the sideline and its been helping. I wanted to introduce myself.. although Im not sure where to start with my situation! Ill do the short version. Im 26, male and I started a business 18 months ago with somebody who I now know to be a narcassist. I was living with my business partner too for the entire duration - he was incredibly selfish, manipulative and controlling. In true typical narc fashion he would be ok for a while and then throw massive tantrums calling me a child, spiteful, tellling me he wants me to leave the business and so on. Eventually living and working with this person got too much for me and I decided to leave - hes since left me with a lot of debt and Ive ended up relocating to another city closer to home. This brings me to the second half of the torment.

Around the same time I met a girl, she was amazing (at first) caring, considerate, a good person )or so I believed) a science teacher, a model, she told me she sold me the dream, we spoke about getting married etc etc. However, during this 18 months with her she broke up with me 4 or 5 times for reasons I couldnt understand - she wasnt happy, I wasnt doing enough, she needed space, the reasons varied but they were all about her. I did EVERYTHING to keep her happy, it was push, pull , push , pull and ultimately I look back and I now realise that she was just showing me the version of her she thought I wanted whilst simultaneously making me jump through hoops to get it.

Looking back I can see A LOT of subtle red flags - she has no photos of her online, just 10/20 modelling photos - no friends, no family in them. She gets very coy talking about past reltionships, basically tells me she doesnt have any but I dont believe that. She always changed social media profile photos, just little things that seemed insiginifcant at the time but now not so much.

Anyway, the last time she broke up with me was 3 months ago, but the first month I was still getting sentimental texts, I saw her twice and she said 'it was too hard' to see each other, and she felt pressured so I totally left her alone. It turns out she is seeing somebody else - which she very callously told me last week.

The good news is, I am now 6 days no contact with both of these people and Its helping - but I do feel lonely most of the time and my brain still feels very cloudy. Despite ALL of these signs, with her I still feel like moving away is terrifying as I am definitely leaving her forever. But I know thats what I need to do. In my current city I lived for the business and her, I had no friends and its a long long drive from my real friends, so a fresh start I think is good.

Anyway, I appreciate this is a long post with lots of gaps in the story im sure, but I feel I needed to vent! Thanks for listening and any advice / support is welcome.

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[745]
Sep 14

Welcome:) I'm sorry you're going through this! For me, being on this site for just a couple of days and educating myself on what's really going on with the narcs around me has helped wonders. The loneliness is rough and I wish I had some great words of wisdom to make it better, but you can get through it! And hopefully learn enough along the way to prevent letting narcs into your life in the future. I assumed there must be something wrong with me- attachment issues, being needy, etc.- since I've found myself in a couple of these relationships. It has helped so much to realize that I don't necessarily attract more narcs than anyone else, I just felt compassion for them and gave them too many chances, all while they slowly broke me down until I felt trapped. I don't know if this is something you relate with, but feel free to reach out if you ever need to talk!

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[65]
Sep 14

Hi ! Thank you for taking the time to reply to the thread. I can absolutely relate - it's no coincidence that my business partner and ex girlfriend where both narcissists, plus they both entered my life at a time where I very much needed each of them for different reasons. Much like you im sure, I have always practiced compassion and felt an obligation to help everybody around me. But no, it wont happen again hah!

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Doesitmatter01's picture
[11510]
Sep 14

Welcome! Anytime you feel lonely just come here. We are all going through some level of craziness. I am glad you went no contact because that is the best way for you to heal.

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