Hi everyone, I'm new to this site. I've been awake all night

Hi everyone, I'm new to this site. I've been awake all night bawling & just trying to grasp onto anything at this point to keep me from going crazy. I just learned last night that my ex-narcissist boyfriend who I was with & lived with for two years (combining our families) got engaged yesterday. We broke up last October & he began dating his new supply approx 1.5 months later. She is 15 years younger than him which adds insult to injury. So they've basically dated since December; however, he has cheated on her with me basically the entire time (dumb on my part I know & I take full responsibility). She moved 8 hrs away about 2 months ago but they decided they were going to keep their relationship going (lol). Well needless to say, his contact with me went into overdrive even before she left and I fell for it all of course. Well his first trip to see her ( he was going to end things so he said lol) and he comes back saying he felt things he didn't know he felt blah blah blah and that after seeing her really needed to give this long distance relationship a good try. Well they got engaged yesterday. I'm a mess. I know he's a piece of **** & I deserve better but dammit why does it hurt so bad?! I can't help but feel that I wasn't good enough, or what does she have that I don't etc. Does anyone have any helpful insight on how to not be so torn up over this?! I am a complete mess!

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[40]
Jul 17

@Stonewalled Thank you for your advice, I so appreciate it. Unfortunately this getting over the narc a**hole is gonna be rough & bumpy but I'll be damned if I let this continue. Thanks again

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[40]
Jul 17

@gwenn lee Thank you so much for your words of wisdom. I do have a chance to be happy, and now I'm going to focus on me and getting what I truly deserve.

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romazicon8's picture
[5945]
Jul 17

@Petershv I am sorry you are hurting, we have all been there and are here now for you. We all have very smiliar stories, similar plights with the narc this in itself shouldbe telling you to run. That this is not and will not what, you the normal person in the relationship, thought it was to be. And I wont lie, its going to suck. You will question every decision you made during the relationship wondering what could you had done differently. That was then, this is now. Save yourself, go no contact, remove any triggers in your environment, block him on your cell, email, social media wherever you can to keep yourself safe. This will allow you to start to heal, and from there to become a stronger person. But if you stay in contact, continue to have sexual relations, he will continue to have a hold on you and all the time you could have been using to heal, has now been to hurt you. So keep yourself safe, use this time to start the healing process. You are strong, a fighter for true love and respect, and most importantly you love yourself enough not to let him to continue to hurt you.

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