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Hi all. I need some words of encouragement to get through a

Hi all. I need some words of encouragement to get through a tough time. Today in particular, I've been dwelling over texts and thinking oh maybe I was over the top, maybe I didn't see it from his point of view enough etc. And then I unblocked him for about an hour and blocked him again. I'm not really sure why I did that but I feel myself getting weaker and just need some help to reposition myself. It's been about a week and a half of no contact so quite raw. We had had a disagreement about meeting, that is he didn't answer my calls or respond to my messages on the day and then said time for away from him, his battery went, he thought our plans weren't concrete, etc etc. He even said sorry multiple times but I feel like he wasn't getting the point so I said him a direct and to the point message later that night basically affirming my boundaries i.e. it takes 5 seconds to text your girlfriend if u want to cancel plans. Not much to ask, then he got very defensive and said I was talking down to him and borderline patronising. After a couple of days, it seemed to have been resolved or so I thought. Then on the Thursday I rang him, we chatted a normal and he then he said he'd call me back in an hour, he didn't call me back. It got to Saturday night, basically 2 days later and I thought I'm not doing this again (second time round), so I sent the break up text and blocked him from everything. I didn't try to contact him in those 2 days as he said he would call me back, it was his responsibility and he actively choose to not communicate. Quite hurtful. And now I'm just second guessing everything even down to the break up text thinking oh maybe that was too harsh... My god, it's like I'm going insane.

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zee4ward's picture
[1450]
Mar 15

@Fred143 Well have I got a story for today my narc is presently playing games. Which I guess he thinks is cute or idk perhaps he is hoping I will reach out to him? I have another plan. A safe plan for me. Obviously once we are divorced, no more NOTHING. This is something however that should have been communicated as we are still unfortunately linked up by marriage. Some of the loose ends a marriage holds until you are divorced. Marriage in name only. His heart is not there and neither is mine anymore. It is a doozy I can tell you that. Perhaps he is not letting me know this information because I did not answer his last text. What for? I can hear all the senseless stupidity now, "you never answered me", "you could have called the phone number", or how bout this one, "I did not have time to take care of it" the list goes on and on. Goodbye to him!

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[1600]
Mar 15

@KezzRezz They say the most hurtful things. And they say them so much and so many and so often that the people they abuse loose confidence in their own reality. I've posted on this board before - 3 years into my narc relationship I checked into to have my head examined. She told me in a million different ways that I lacked ability, I was paranoid, I was angry, I was I was I was...

It hurts. It hurt so bad. I could go on and on. But the reason I am saying this is I want to tell you Kezz that it wasn't you. You aren't and were not the person the narc said you were. And even if you made mistakes (who hasn't?) a narc is unrelenting. A narc is hollow. A narc hasn't a heart. A narc is sick in the head. There is nothing you could have done differently to obtain a good outcome.

Pamper yourself. Love yourself. Forgive yourself. If you have friends that care about you hold them close. They will remind you of what good hearts are about.

Find something to keep busy. If necessary, one step at a time. One foot ahead of the other until your step returns. Eventually there will be a spring in your step.

I have decided that I don't want anyone in my life now. Just me, my two doggies, my few good friends and kids that care about me is all I need. I am on the mend.

You are too. One foot in front of another.

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zee4ward's picture
[1450]
Mar 16

@AlabamaGuy I know that feeling all too well. Mine would tell me I was the one with the problem(s). Anytime I tried to talk to him, I got accused of arguing. Since when is expressing one's concerns arguing? I was told basically everything was my fault. Then he would say, "why do you feel that way?" Uhm, let's see maybe because anytime I try to talk to you like a normal person, I get the tit for tat nonsense! He would NOT HEAR anything was his fault. His first marriage - his ex cheated on him and I remember asking him, maybe something he did made her feel lonely and like the marriage was stuck. He got mad at that prospect too. But yes AlabamaGuy like you, it was all my fault too.

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