Here's one for you guys... especially parents of teen daught

[385]

Here's one for you guys... especially parents of teen daughters (maybe sons)... So I've been NC from the narc for about 3 months now. My teen daughters (narc isn't their dad, but after seeing and realizing.. yeah he was one too).. so a week ago I asked my daughter to watch her younger sibling so I could go to an appointment that I couldn't take the younger little one with me to. My daughter has been staying at her dad's a lot now that he's recently moved A LOT closer (he was about 1.5 hours away and now he's like 20 minutes)... She has primarily been with me for more than 3 years. Any hoo, now that 'disney dad' lives closer she has become the most entitled brat I've seen! We had plans tonight for me to take all my kids (the 2 girls and the little guy) on a little family fun night. Well she was throwing a fit right off the bat this morning because she didn't want to come back to watch her little brother while I went to appointment. Then when I came home and said I wanted to talk to her about her behavior and attitude ... OH MY GOODNESS! I was having flash backs to when the narc lived here! She was projecting her crap all over me, crying, being dramatic! And needless to say she packed as much as she could into her car and didn't go on the little road trip with the rest of us. Because she "wants more attention" and I should "get a sitter" for her brother... (which is NOT easy for someone like me that doesn't have any near by friends).. oh and did you guys catch that her dad moved closer??? LOL She has literally not stayed over night with me but 1 time in the past few weeks... When she first would pull this crap it was because "HE" lived with me.. And now that "he" is gone.. Well now, it's like she too has moved onto a new supply (aka disney dad)... How in the world?! Is this normal for families that have narc parents??? Have any of you noticed this type of cray-cray behavior in your teens when you "grow a pair" and start standing up to even your bratty kids?

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Snoozeroni's picture
[960]
Oct 12

Yes! I married my narc when my daughter started high school... I won't get into details, but I will tell you this.. She lost all respect for me watching me get beat down day after day over the years. It has been 15 years now. I see so many of his traits in her, and still to this day I see his negative influence on her. I recognize the behaviors in her, and for years after I left him I would get severe anxiety when I would visit her after she got out on her own. It really makes me sad to see that, but I deal with it better these days. I don't let her get under my skin anymore, (she is 31 and very successful), and I think it surprises her when I don't react, because she always starts the behavior with "Mom, now don't get offended but," and then the jabs... When the disrespect got out of hand before I left, I told her in no uncertain terms to not let the door hit her in the a$$ on the way out of my house because I would not be treated that way by her, (she was 18 then and working). But it is there in her to this day, and I can't help but feel unworthy at times. Glad you brought this up... something I need to address further I guess...

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[385]
Oct 12

@Snoozeroni she saw me for almost 5 years with this past narc... and her dad and I were together for 15 years... Her dad was “Jekyll and Hyde”, is supposed to be on meds but since he’s a nurse.. we’ll he should know better but has that “I feel better, I don’t need it anymore” kind of attitude. He doesn’t believe in counseling. I’ve suggested it NUMEROUS times for her. And she’s even threatened to kill herself for attention. Which I took her to the ER about and even the doc said she needs counseling! But her dad’s insurance doesn’t cover any where close by and now, well, he’s got ANOTHER job with different insurance. Every time I try to get it all set up, he switches again. Driving me nuts because I think if she truly had an outsider’s point of view she could see things and how even she has been manipulated! Makes me feel like I’m like the “terrible crazy mom” because how she treats me! BUT I also know now, that I don’t have to allow her to treat me like that. Two narcs living together.. HA! Wonder how that’s gonna turn out!? Lol again though totally feels like I made her that way to because I let her keep pushing past boundaries because I was feeling guilty for being in crappy relationships with poor male figures for her to look up to. I’m totally just venting and thinking out loud here. I’m glad we all have a place that we can do this!

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Snoozeroni's picture
[960]
Oct 13

@LiftedFog No doubt these groups are a life saver! I know how you feel about feeling like a crappy mom. My daughter used to guilt trip me so bad about the choices I made in life, but I reminded her in no uncertain terms that had I not made the choices I did, she would never have met and married her high school sweetheart and be living her dreamy life right now. I had to laugh at your comment about two narcs living together... When I left him in 2004 for 8 months and moved to another state, she stayed with him on my family's land. I went back and felt like a total outsider. But they were the best of friends. (they have NC now) I stayed two more years, but I had done my homework in researching narcs and I recognized every behavior of my ex... I would just sit back and grin when he started his crap. Drove him nuts, but I wrapped up my business there, sold out, booted him out when she left to move in with her man and came back home. It's devastating to be treated like that by your child. And we do carry guilt because of our choices that turn them that way, but they have choices too. They know right from wrong. (that felt good to say!) I see her talk down to people and it makes me sad. One thing I've learned from all this is to be careful with my words where others are concerned. The ripple effect. I try to put good vibes out there. Give people something positive to walk away with from a conversation with me. I cussed a pregnant lady out one day several months ago when I was in panic mode, and the very next day I drove back over to that store and apologized to her in front of everyone for my behavior. I didn't even buy anything, just walked in there, stood in line and apologized when I got to her register. She was very kind to me. I am glad those teenage days are over, other than empty nest syndrome. I am just sad to see those traits remain. I guess we have to nurture our own Spirits and wish our kids well on their journey and just try to be a positive influence through the BS. Show that we learned from our mistakes and are still good people despite them. I'm going back into therapy, and by posting this you helped me to see I need to address my guilt issues about all this. But she is the one who puts the guilt on me, without the direct "you suck because of your choices" route. As I sit here and reflect to back then, I wonder what I would do differently to have a better outcome in order to help you... (I am seriously just sitting here thinking about it) ok... so teenagers have this hormone thing going on, on top of the issue at hand. Recognize that first. Avoid accusations. "you are acting just like... blah blah blah" Observe the behavior, (no choking or shaking of said teen) lol Offer them a snack and ask if they would like to talk about the problem and is there anything I can do to help. Of course I wasn't in the state of mind to do that back then from dealing with the abuse myself, but I think I would do a lot of listening and just be there for the difficult journey they are going through as a young adult and with the changing times. Just my opinion 11 years post Narcville with a teenage daughter. I do a lot of listening to her now, and when she tries to bring me down, I don't react anymore, by going into defense mode. Most of the time I just say "I get that" or "I understand how you feel like that." Kinda like "Don't engage the enemy" lmao... Just love them for who they are and do what we can to help them through this difficult time in their lives and be their marshmallow rock. (my young niece called me that years ago). lol.. Hang tough Lady... You got this! <3

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