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Here is something that always perplexed me. I hope it doesn'


Here is something that always perplexed me. I hope it doesn't seem racist at all, as I write this, because I have nothing against interracial marriage or people from different cultures. When I first met my narc husband he told me about how when he was still married to his ex, he was sure one day he'd leave her, for an Asian woman. So after she left him for another man, before their divorce, according to his story, he started dating this Asian woman. He claimed it had nothing to do with his ex's fears but he just happened to like this woman. And as soon as his ex saw him with this other woman, suddenly she wanted to get back together. But they never ended up getting back together and years later we met. So before I got breast cancer I caught my husband looking at porn. And supposedly he stopped, I never caught him again, he never did it at home and wasn't allowed to do that sort of thing on the computer at work. This was before internet access cell phones. But the porn he was looking at when I caught him looking at porn was of Hispanic women. So later after I got cancer when women in the neighborhood kept acting like they knew him and I suspected him flirting all around town, it was always with Hispanic women for some reason. So since we moved and I've been formulating my exit strategy, he suddenly started this other trend. He would be secretly having phone relationships and flirting with African American women all the time. So that was how I pieced together the fact he did the same thing to his ex wife he did to me, flirting all over town with other women, back then probably Asian women. And that was how I know he put his ex wife through the same absolute misery he put me through. But I'm trying to see the point in a narc even singling out a sect of the public in this way. I've dated a black man before, once when I was dating. He turned out to be a narc and so back then I dumped him but found out he was married but lied saying he was single. But when I dated a black man it wasn't some weird fetish like my husband was doing. I just liked him as a human being, thought he was rather attractive, and simply enjoyed his company so we became friends and I dated him not knowing he was married because he lied. But the point I'm making is, does anyone know if this is common among narcs? I feel he had some sort of flavor of the year he was going for and wanted to try it all. Maybe next year it'll be blonds or whatever, who knows. I just felt like this was dehumanizing because he was categorizing them like a piece of meat. His ex wife was white like me, by the way. It just seemed he wasn't singling them out as a human individual worthy of knowing. It was like he was on some quest to try it all, I guess and at the same time make his wife absolutely miserable.

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mmadlecl's picture
Nov 9

@Gentle1 I like your strength.

Nov 9

@mmadwaite, yes, I agree. And it is difficult to accept. But eventually the person has to. And I agree that he will do this with the next person. He did it to his ex, and he'll do it to the next.

Nov 10

@Gentle1, that's the thing, is they use religion to make themselves look upstanding. Most Christians, the reason they want to marry a person of the same faith is they know how the Bible says we should. But mine pretended to be on fire in his faith to trick me into dating him. Another perk for them marrying a Christian is because Christians know how the Bible says God hates divorce so narcs assume if they marry a Christian they can abuse them, nine ways to Tuesday, without them being left, or divorced. However if you study divorce in the Bible you know God Himself was divorced.


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