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Hello everyone, I am so ashamed and disappointed in myself

Hello everyone,
I am so ashamed and disappointed in myself. I went so long without contact with him. Between my daughters first birthday and the holidays and dealing with my dad's death I thought I had a good grip on what was happening and dealing with the grief, etc. But I didn't. He showed up here on Christmas and I felt like I literally died. He looks horrible and I'm an ever loving mess and I let him in. Knowing full well what the aftermath would be. I take full responsibility that this is completely my fault. But I also realize that therapy and grief counseling has not helped me one bit. I'm so terribly sad and lonely. I guess my question is that I am starting to wonder if I need medication or if it would even help. I know my situation is extreme. I just don't know what else to do.

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@happy2beme thanks love. Keep reaching out.

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[8465]
Jan 12

@Casey11 Thank you so much. That really means a lot to me.

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[8465]
Jan 12

@AlabamaGuy Thank you. I am really really trying to do new activities. I took up Brazilian Jiu Jitsu and am going fishing a lot more. Which I love. I know part of this is just that its winter and I cant go surfing or fishing. I have to find some "winter goals" to help me.

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