Hello all. I am on the verge of putting more distance betwe
Hello all. I am on the verge of putting more distance between my sister and I. Ive realized that we were raised my malignant narcissists and both parents molested me and my daughter but seemingly they didn't touch my sister( she has some of the same PTSD symptoms and for reasons I won't get into she may have been a victim as well)
My memories were repressed for 43 years and came back with a vengeance. I confronted my father and literally in 60 seconds went from a daddy's girl to mortal enemy( Literally from the moment of confrontation it's been cyberbullying on social media to calling my local police department for multiple "wellness checks" although we have not spoken by phone in almost a year.)
It's hard enough dealing with the trauma, PTSD, Abandonment, bullying etc and I don't have contact with my father any longer but it's causing me to deeply feel some type of way toward my sister.
We've never really been close and to be honest it's a superficial to a degree, we can talk hair, movies, etc but nothing deeper than that. I'm getting to the point where it's been really difficult emotionally, especially holidays[birthdays knowing that she's off to their house and I'm basically alone. I'm in the process of healing and I've purge a lot of people in my life but I don't know how to navigate this relationship. Talking with her is challenging because she doesn't want to hear anything on this subject.
Any advice or guidance is appreciated
She's had a front row seat to all of the puzzling behaviors of my father and has expressed her frustrations about it on a few occasions.
@Mokka Maybe you need to give yourself some time...a lot of time, because your life hasn't been one where your feelings were considered, and its very hard in that case to know your feelings, let alone trust them. The mistake i have made over & over & over again, is discussing the crazy mess of my family life with people outside, thinking they would understand, just trying desperately to make sense of it myself. But they do not, and that doesn't help. What has worked for me is researching as much as I can about, in my case, effects of NPD & BPD, to develop the understanding of the effect that this has all had on me, and the raising of my own family. Its sooooo complicated, I'm still trying to find how to accept it without it interfering in my daily life. With family members that you want to be able to keep in touch with, there are certain topics you can avoid altogether, keep the conversation "light & polite" until you are in a position emotionally yourself that you can put energy into the relationship with others, your sister for example.
I found with my sister, I was making so much effort to keep her happy while we were growing up, I forgot to take care of me...I had never learned about putting my own needs first. I have very little contact with her now, but we keep a respectful distance - she has been through things I haven't, and vice versa, and maybe one day we will get to discuss things more in depth, but for now it has to be just on the surface, and that seems to work for us. It gives us both time, maybe that will work for you? If you haven't already, you could try researching "detaching with love" , that might be helpful. Harder too, when you don't have the healthy connection with parents that might otherwise guide you with some helpful advice, but you can find the answer, just give yourself time x
@Mokka Maybe you need to give yourself some more time regarding your sister....and you have every reason to feel as you do towards her now. I am so sorry about the hell you were raised in. I am glad you have purged toxic individuals from your life....most important is you and your daughter now.
I'm sorry to hear that, and I can relate a little, because I actually get a good relationship with my sister when we discovered who my parents were. It's like if my parents use the "divide and conquer" tactic, keeping us apart, so they will have power over us.