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Hello All, I am looking for unbiased advice about my curre


Hello All,
I am looking for unbiased advice about my current situation involving myself & my older brother. We are 8.5 years apart, I am 27 and he is 34.
We've never had a great a relationship. A turning point for us was when 11 years ago, the day after my 16th birthday.
I had found out from other family members that my brother & his girlfriend (now wife), were expecting their first child. My brother still lived at home at that time (he was 24/25). My brother had discussed with my mother that he wanted her to find somewhere for me to live so they could use my bedroom as the nursery for the baby. I was devastated to find out that my family was planning to eject me from my home at 16 years of age. (Background, my father lived a state away, and had no real relationship with me, or capability to take me in).
The morning after I found out about what was going on, I got into a huge argument with my brother, with my mother present. He lost his temper and assaulted me. Threw me into a window, knocked me unconscious, and broke my shoulder and clavicle bone.
I subsequently had to drop out of school, because I was now homeless at 16. No charges were pressed against him, as I told the hospital personnel that a group of teens had jumped me. I spent about a year and half bouncing around between my friends’ houses (their families felt extremely remorseful for me I suppose), and I ended up suffering from depression and anxiety. I attempted suicide at 18, and was shortly hospitalized and then discharged after I was evaluated. I didn't really want to die; I was just terribly afraid and alone.
I had limited contact with my brother and my mother, but our relationship was severely strained, understandably. I wanted to be in my nephew's life, so I tried to put the past, in the past.
I ended up meeting a much older man, who in retrospect, took advantage of my vulnerability, and moved in with him. I gave birth to our daughter at 18 years of age. After realizing that he too, was abusive, I left with my child and started my own life. I got my own place, I got a decent job, but I sure was struggling financially. During this time, my brother had offered to help me with ½ of my rent for two consecutive months. I accepted his help because I was really struggling to get ahead. I offered to pay him back, and he declined, stating it was not a loan.
Fast forward to present, 11 years later. I now, have a great job, great place to live, am married, have another beautiful son, and quite a peaceful life. I see my brother maybe once a month or so, as I try to encourage a relationship between our children. My relationship with my mother, is a lot more stable currently.
Last week, our mother got married, at a small city hall session, with two witnesses presents (me as one of them). Prior to the ceremony I reached out to my mother on multiple occasions to inquire about his attendance. My mother advised me that, as he had just started a new job, he couldn’t get the time off of work to attend. I felt sad that he would miss her big day, but there is a formal wedding to follow in a few months. I sent him photographs of the ceremony, and didn’t receive a response. I reached out via text for two consecutive days, no response. I reached out to his wife, and it was confirmed that he was upset at me and my mother for excluding him from the town hall ceremony. I sent a follow up text, informing him that I did not realize he was upset, however, I did ask if he would be there and was told he wouldn’t be able to make it. I expressed my remorse for how he felt, but I didn’t feel like I had excluded him.
He eventually called my mother, blew up on her on the phone, stated to her that he was devastated. He stated to her, that he couldn’t understand how I could run to him to rescue me when my daughter was a baby, but couldn’t reach out to him to include him in this day. He told my mother he saw my texts, and was ignoring me the way I ignored him.
Two days later, I saw him in the neighborhood, and he walked passed me as if I were a ghost.
It’s been a week since the wedding, and now I am so confused on what I should do.

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Nov 8

All you can do is think back on everything to see if maybe you did leave him out in some way by accident of course, see if there's something you could have done differently and if there is think on how that could have hurt him. You can then send him a sincere apology letting him know exactly what you are apologizing for and you never leave him out again. Even though I'm sure you didn't mean too and maybe you thought you did everything right but the problem is somewhere he got hurt because of the way he perceived it. Let him know you will consider his feelings more in the future and you love him. Maybe you could invite him out for pizza or have him come over for a meal either would be nice. Good luck!


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