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Has anyone else found themselves responding to their narc by

Has anyone else found themselves responding to their narc by becoming uncharacteristically angry and being surprised to find that it seems to help? I've always been a very calm person, but on 2 or 3 recent occasions I found myself just losing it in response to his attempts to manipulate me. I've gotten it under control because I don't want to be that person, and I remember screaming, "This isn't me...I don't even know myself anymore...." Also because I don't want him to be able to use that against me, as obviously it'll be taken out of context and used to show what a bad person I am.
The odd part is that things have been better. Maybe I just completely threw him for a loop and he's trying to figure out how to manipulate me when the old tactics are no longer working?
Anger is what happened when none of my defenses worked anymore- I tried locking myself in a bedroom for a break and he kicked the door in, he has repeatedly stood between me and the doorway, opened my car door into a wall when I tried to drive away....he nitpicks and won't let things go, but somehow becomes convinced that it's my fault we were talking about them...I just feel trapped. I'm always apprehensive about the weekends because 2 entire days together is when things get under my skin and I feel like I can't take it anymore. I just want to get through it without arguing or feeling attacked.

I just really don't know what to expect right now and the fact that he has been relatively calm after I've lost my s*** leaves me wondering what he's going to do next.

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LivingOnAPrayer's picture
[1530]
Sep 14

I feel like I've changed too. I'm not sure if my husband is a full-blown narc but he definitely has some of the qualities. It used to be when he'd yell at me or we'd fight that I'd back down and cry. Now it's to the point where I can yell back until my voice cracks. That's so not me. I cry later when I'm all alone. Every now and then since we moved in together (and eventually got married) and he'd get mad, he'd threaten to find a new place to live. It used to cause me to back off and apologize and say not to threaten that. When he does it now, I can say without any emotion, and straight-faced "if that's what you want, go ahead and do it." I honestly don't think I'd care anymore if he actually followed through on it, other than the way it would affect my parents and sister. They adore him - but they don't know him like I do either. I'm sorry to hear the two of you are dealing with this as well.

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[825]
Sep 14

Yes! It's nice to not care anymore.....which is kind of sad, because that's a far cry from finding a relationship to care about someone and be happy. It's like being back at zero instead of in the negative.
It kind of makes sense that narcs are drawn to people who initially boost their egos. They're often actually drawn to very strong people because they tear down those qualities that attracted them and they feel powerful as a result. I don't think that mine does this on a conscious level, I think his ego is in survival mode and it makes him feel good.

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LivingOnAPrayer's picture
[1530]
Sep 14

I've never looked at it that way but it makes sense. I know my husband likes/wants to feel powerful. I too don't think he brings me down on a conscious level but I know he feels good when he's in control and when he's getting his way.

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