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Had to see the ex to sign paperwork for our kids, it's his w

[325]

Had to see the ex to sign paperwork for our kids, it's his week, so I had to go to his house to do it. I refused to go inside. We talked briefly, about scheduling with the kids and I told him, I wasn't willing to trade dates, unless it was for important things such as work related, or his family will do adult dinner nights without all kids, etc. But that on my weekends without our kids, I make my own plans accordingly, so it doesn't disrupt anyone's schedule. He then through a fit and told me, well trying to figure out a monthly schedule is pointless then. Threw the papers at me, and slammed the door. Today he texted me and asked me if I would stop on the way home from work and pick up the kids prescriptions, for him so he didn't have to. I told him no, he could do it, just as I have had to many times. I feel like it was a test to see if I would still go out of my way, to do things for him. My coworker said, I need to stop playing games and stop making my kids suffer. I told her, i am setting boundaries with him. He took them to the Dr. 3 weeks ago, to get the prescriptions and left without them. That he needs to be able to take responsibility for them on his schedule just as I have. They have medication for tomorrow and he can pick them up on his way to work. I'm tired of feeling like people are judging me for not taking care of my kids. I am, he is just using them, to get what he wants from me, to see if I will still jump for him. I even asked him, can't your girlfriend pick the prescriptions up for you. His response was, well your not far from there. It would be easy for you to stop on your way home and het them. Ugh! When do I know if I'm doing the right thing? Or am I just being petty? I don't want to be his doormat any longer, but I don't want to feel like a bad parent either. So confused and hurt right now, by all the judgements.

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[4165]
Sep 11

I'm in a similar spot with my stbx...trying to find the ideal balance between "I hate your guts and want to spit in your face every time I see you" and "we have kids together and I know if I tick you off you're going to use the kids to get back at me". It's a rough spot to be in!

First and foremost, keep in mind that they're very much like children, so they are prone to throwing tantrums. In my opinion, the best thing to do is not react, and honestly, you have to expect them. Now that I know exactly what's going on with mine, she's much easier to deal with in a lot of ways because I don't react like I used to (which is exactly what she was after all along). I don't get mad when she throws a tantrum anymore, because I know why she's doing it. She's programmed to do it.

And it sounds like you're absolutely right about him testing you...even if it wasn't a "test" necessarily, it's almost certainly an attempt to keep you close and involved. If they can keep us close and involved, then we're still able to provide them with supply. You're not being petty. You are simply aware of what's going on. I don't have a good answer for what to do....I'm struggling with that balance myself. I guess I'm trying to be firm, yet reasonable....and everyone's situation is different. Trust your gut.

And for your coworker, I'd avoid telling them anything else....it was pretty crappy of them to suggest you are making your kids "suffer" because you wouldn't run an errand for your ex. That's a red flag on the coworker in my opinion.

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[325]
Sep 11

@CL061
Thank you, I'm trying to not react. Just trying to have as little contact ad possible, set the boundary, that we are not together anymore, you will have to do certain things for the kids now on your time, that you were use to me always doing. I think I am more hurt with my co-worker as we have been close, and both have always been there for each other. She has done things, as well, I may not agree with, but as a friend, I'm just there to listen, bc I am not in her shoes. I am the last person to judge. Thank you for your support.

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