Dizzy. This last week has been like riding a yo-yo. He has g

[725]

Dizzy. This last week has been like riding a yo-yo. He has gone from calm and accepting to pissed to some sort of crazy depressed. At least daily. Sometimes within the same conversation.

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[104425]
Feb 13

@Echo80 This is the link to the article mentioned above:

https://lovefraud.com/the-gray-rock-method-of-dealing-with-psychopaths/

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[725]
Feb 14

@pickone. Thanks. We are actually getting a divorce. But it was only decided a week ago. Or I guess I should say when he told me he wanted a divorce a week ago I said yes and haven't backed down. He's always been the Dr. Jeckyll/Mr. Hyde. But this week has been a whole new level of crazy. NC isn't really possible yet. We still live together and unfortunately he's the one that needs to go. With 3 kids, my mom, my handicapped nephew and 7 pets. I need the house. But I can't make him leave until the divorce is final. I see a lawyer on Monday. I guess the grey rock method is what I have adopted without really knowing what it was. I am concerned though because now he is focused on our daughter. I just want him to leave, get the divorce final and be better. But I do worry about my daughter

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[104425]
Feb 14

@Echo80 You’re very welcome!... I know that divorce is devastating no matter the circumstances. But in the case of a severe narc (it certainly sounds like he is one), I think it’s the right decision. Not only for yourself, but for your daughter as well. He is not a good role model for her to see how a man should treat a woman. You definitely don’t want her to grow up believing abuse and disrespect is acceptable in a relationship. You deserve a peaceful and happy life as well. I understand your concern about your daughter, when divorcing a narcissistic spouse. It is very important when you see the lawyer, that he or she understands that divorcing a narcissist is not like divorcing a non-narc spouse. They refuse to give up control, which is what a divorce represents. You need to know the possibilities that may arise; a narc will usually add a great deal of drama to the already extremely stressful divorce process. He may drag it out in court, and make up all kinds of excuses to delay things. Regarding your daughter, he may fight you for custody, not because he wants to parent her, but as a weapon of control. A child should not be used as a pawn in a tug of war, battle for control in a divorce. The non-narc parent will put the best interests of the child ahead of her own. But the narc parent sees the child as an extension of himself; an object to reflect the grandiose image of himself. He doesn’t see the relationship ending, even after a divorce; and sometimes causes more trouble afterwards. The narc sees the child as a way of keeping the ex-spouse connected to him forever. You need to be aware, and make the lawyer aware, that he may use the child as a way of maintaining control. I am posting the link to an article by the Farzad Family Law Firm. They are located in California, and only handle cases in that state; but they specialize in divorce and child custody cases, involving a narcissistic spouse. (Many lawyers are not familiar with this issue). I think this article, “Protecting Your Child From A Narcissistic Father Or Mother,” May provide some helpful information and tips. We are here to support you:

http://farzadlaw.com/divorcing-a-narcissist/how-protect-child-narcissistic-father-mother/#more-9350

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