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Anyone want to mention some of the earliest red flags with t

Hopeful_100's picture

Anyone want to mention some of the earliest red flags with their narc/ covert narc/ emotionally abusive person? Perhaps even some things that you may have mistranslated? I'll start with the most recent covert narc in my life:
Close people around him call his ex a b**** I thought he had been abused by her and it's still possible he was
Had a repulsive energy about him
Pushy about sex
Jokes about lying
very critical
Narc friends

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Nov 16, 2017

@Breathingbutnotliving I'm so sorry you're still suffering the abuse from the covert narcissist. Your description of him sounded so much like my covert ex-narc husband of 30 years. Believe me, I was breathing but not living for most of my adult life. He was totally controlling, and I was so dependent on him that I felt trapped, with no way out of that prison I'd been living in. I honestly didn't believe I could survive on my own. He had everyone fooled for all those years -- thinking he was a great guy. Emotional abuse usually takes place behind closed doors -- it leaves no visible scars, so you have no proof or validation, even for yourself. This kind of abuse creates so much doubt, questioning, and uncertainty in the victim. I hope this site will provide the support and validation to give you enough strength and courage to eventually free yourself from this narc abuser. The trauma bond that is formed by the narc's manipulative tactics, is an addiction which is very difficult to break. The victim becomes emotionally chained to the narc abuser, which is why it's so hard to leave. I had suffered the severest depression when I was with my ex-narc -- and it was only when I began to recover, and loosen the chain hold he had on me, that the lightbulb finally got turned on. It was almost impossible to believe or accept that, after all that time of thinking my issues were the cause of all the problems -- I had to face the reality that he wanted me to remain sick, weak, needy, and dependent on him. His true colors started to show, as he couldn't deal with losing control. He abandoned me, and as punishment for exposing whom he really was -- he left me alone and with nothing. I had no choice but to figure out how to survive. It was a matter of life or death -- he wanted me destroyed. But my determination not to give him the satisfaction, gave me the motivation to survive. It was the most challenging struggle of my life -- but ultimately a transforming experience. The difference in my life now can't be described in words -- it's sooo much better!... I've found that the more you learn and understand about narcissism, and the kind of person you're dealing with, the greater your awareness and realization that you need to get away from him -- and go No Contact. I know it might seem impossible right now -- but in time, and in a step by step process with support, I hope you'll eventually be ready to free yourself from this abuse. You need to learn to love and accept yourself, and that you deserve to be treated with dignity and respect. The following article called, "Is The Narcissist Capable Of Loving?" is one that I highly recommend. It's well-written, and explains the basics of narcissistic behavior -- I've provided the link:

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Hopeful_100's picture
Nov 17, 2017

@healing9876 thanks! My entire fam and extended fam are flying monkeys of my mom. Not one of them sees me for who I am. My brother used to but he got closer to my mom as he got older. Or I should say she got closer to him.

Nov 17, 2017

@Hopeful_100 If I stay in spirit with this it helps me.. and since holidays are approaching I have to get I feel holiday blues and as if I am at their mercy.. it is helpless feeling...
I hear you that your family doesn't see YOU for who you are.. I feel that way much of the time..
Then I ask myself.. how much of me are they Supposed to see.. like if in heaven we have heavenly families then maybe ? they are only able to see parts of me.. it is the only way this all makes sense to me. Perhaps we have to loose of things as they are on this earth to reach for greater in the next life.. i don't know it is how it does make sense.. I have to contemplate it myself with approaching holidays and then get back to my own center & with God.. to realize my reality and stay in that..
Take care! :)


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