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Is it possible that my ex-narc doesn't know she is a narciss

Is it possible that my ex-narc doesn't know she is a narcissist? We aren't together anymore but I find it hard at times because she was so perfect and appears to be so perfect: sweet, cute, innocent, funny, gentle etc but her actions towards me have been callous, self-centred, uncaring, demanding etc. How can I still be falling for the illusion (if that is what it is) despite how she has treated me? HELP!

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NowImNarcFree's picture
[22590]
May 16

I think it is extremely rare that they understand or admit that they are narcissistic. Doing so would take some empathy. They are too self-centered to understand the pain that they cause others. They actually think that others are antagonistic towards THEM when someone doesn't bend to every wish, and they see themselves as victims instead.

I understand the confusion of seeing two different versions of them. They are great actors and know how to manipulate people. They can have a charming public persona (and the first persona you see in a relationship with them) but slowly the "mask" starts to crack and you see something awful underneath. You still remember the good things that drew you to them, and if they gaslight you and you're still in contact, you can doubt your own reality, your own perception, and lose touch with your thoughts and feelings. So this can make you doubt what you see when they show their true colors.

For me, when I had those doubts at first I would read over things I'd written about what he did and said to me. I would remind myself of the ways that he was abusive and the damage that it did to me-- there is no amount of charming or good behavior that can make up for that. I also talked to supportive friends and family, or post on here, if I had doubts and they would remind me why I left and how dangerous he was to me.

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[1280]
May 16

You're still falling for the illusion because you still care and love her. It was the same for me, i ccouldn't believe my sweet gf who showered me with love and attention and gifts can be this unempathetic and abusive evil person. We are humans and we want to be loved esp by the one we love. Just remind yourself constantly that anyone who genuinely loves you will not mistreat you like that. Your gf needed to be fake she needed to love bomb you to get you where you are so she can feed off of it. Its only for supply nothing was real. I know it's hard to accept it. They will never see it but what's important is that you saw it n therefore you walked away. Be strong.

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