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After reading an Article about dating a narcissist I think I

After reading an Article about dating a narcissist I think I have come to the realization that I have been dating one for 7 years without realizing it.. I wish there was enough time and space to really explain everything I go through but I'm going to keep it as simple as possible. A lot of these posts I also can relate to, so that already tells me this is all true and I need to open my eyes one way or another. First of all I commend everyone who put their foot down and decided to leave their abusive relationship, it takes a really strong person to do that so here is an applaud to you ! I have been with my boyfriend for 7 years now but we have known each other for about 10 years. Our first 1 and a half was beautiful and I fell head over heals for my high school crush. But I would never forget the day (the very first time) I had got a "gut" feeling. I had never went through his phone prior that day or ever had the urge to. That day I was sitting on his bed and he was in the kitchen washing dishes, and left his phone on the bed. I all of a sudden had a really weird gut feeling telling me to look through his phone, and so I did. The phone was unlocked and I stumbled upon a text conversation with him and another female ... one said I miss you , he said I. miss you back and ended it with a kiss emoji. My heart literally fell and I instantly felt like my world crushed into pieces. I closed the phone put it back and stayed quiet that entire night until he asked me what was wrong and I couldn't hold it in anymore. I cried and told him what I found and he said she was just a friend that I had no reason to worry about her but then asked why did I go through his phone anyway? Well that was our first account of many many more situations JUST like that. He has a really bad temper , I often get afraid to ever confront him about anything anymore because Im afraid that hell either break something or put hands on me. Every time I caught him flirting with another female or texting, he would switch the subject to "you're crazy, you're insecure, and why are you snooping through my sh*t" ..... on a normal day sometimes we end up arguing about the smallest things if I don't do something his way or when he says it. He has called me out my name, many times and has even called me dumb for forgetting small minor things.. He is very secretive and over protective of his phone and tells me if I keep looking through his phone hes going to break my phone.. if I lie about the smallest thing like saying I don't snoop when I do he calls me a liar and says how much he hates me lying and Im the one that can't be trusted. Mind you every time I snoop I FIND something. Sometimes I snoop to just hopefully prove myself wrong sometimes :(. Despite his ways, He is a great provider, when we are good its great, hes affectionate and he can be very generous. I think sometimes I hold on to the good qualities which prolongs my reasons of staying...besides the fact that after all this I still do love him. I sometimes feel trapped ....we live together and I feel like if he leaves I wouldn't know what to do without him or how to begin to live alone. But this relationship is slowly very slowly killing me inside...he has a very good way of making me feel like this is all my fault. Please help :(

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privateone's picture
[3930]
Aug 9

@Breath44 Very nice list. Number 2 is really important to me. With my ex narc I felt like I was mothering a giant baby trying to help him grow and forgetting all about myself, because he was so demanding.

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[1705]
Aug 10

@privateone yes yes yes! That's exactly what I have said to my H! You don't want a mother but you act like you need one. Like you are this immature middle school boy that grew up with no moral compass. Then I told him I sailed past him personal development wise years ago and I just can't let him hold me back any longer.

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privateone's picture
[3930]
Aug 10

@Breath44 It's weird to see the patterns leading to a lot of people experiencing the exact same stuff. I told my ex I couldn't be with someone I had to drag along, because I wanted to grow and he kept stuck. I also remember saying, a lot of times, if he wanted me to have his children (he was always talking about it) I would need him to behave like a man, not like a spoiled child.

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