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Hello everyone. I'm in this Group because i'm trying to unde

_Maria_'s picture
[360]

Hello everyone. I'm in this Group because i'm trying to understand better what it is to live with MS: My boyfriend's ex wife was diagnosed with MS over 10 years ago, but really it all started when she was 46, she's now 64. For what i know she's very much bed ridden. I can't tell you how sorry i am, for both. Although they are divorced he still takes care of her but they don't live in the same house. She doesn't know i exist, we have beeen dating for over 3 years. I apologize in dvance if i'm hurting anyone's feelings but i have been so torn and confused. He seems unable to tell her, i don't want to hurt anyone, but what hurts more knowing or not knowing? I feel guilty, but it's really not in my hands. I hope some of you can shed some light into this. Again i'm sorry if i'm in some way hurtful. Should you think i should remove this post i will do it immediately.

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_Maria_'s picture
[360]
Dec 3

@Floored Thank you so much for your honest input, there is love between us, i dare say but i guess one tops the other, or at least he doesn't want to hurt her and i do understand. I feel like...it's not ok to hurt one, not to hurt the other, and this should have been clearly explained to me from day one. but he says he didn't expect to fall in love with me. I can't rest, i really can't. whichever way i choose to look at it i'm the evil one who could be breaking someone's heart. I guess their friends, as a couple, won't be too pleasec either.

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Griz75's picture
[32785]
Dec 3

my wife has MS, she has had it for over 20 years now, she is just 45, she has lost a lot of abiity to feel in her legs, her left leg is weak and causes her to fall a lot, she can not walk much, about a half a mile before it just stops, she is always in pain and tired, she needs about 10 hrs of good sleep a night but gets less than 7 or 8 due to the pain she is in. I can say it is not easy to watch a partner go through it all, it hurts at times, you can see how they used to be, but now, they have lost lots of things.

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_Maria_'s picture
[360]
Dec 4

@Griz75 Thank you. I can only imagine how tough it is. No, it can't possibly be easy to watch someone you love go through that. i feel like i have been my boyfriend's therapist, and i don't make an effort to do that, it's a normal thing to do for someone you love. He has helped me too. i haven't exactly had an easy life either. There is perhaps no choice other than fight for myself too, my sanity, which is to say i won't move in with him, Unless everyone knows about me. Some friends do know, we've been together, they are very accpeting of me, but only the close friends, the rest of the world probably thinks i'm his lover, afterall who wouldn't understand that he needs company and of course sex (especially being a man). I can't deal with that. Over the past months, and especially now, my eyes are open.

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