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I've been a mess since last week. My first pregnancy at 35.

I've been a mess since last week. My first pregnancy at 35. I never thought I could get pregnant being that i was with my ex husband for almost 18years (he has other children) I never got pregnant. Idk if being in a toxic relationship has anything to do with it but I also dated for a few years still never got pregnant. Until recently. I've been married to my amazing sober of 9 years husband since July together almost 3 years. Found out i was pregnant last month on the 15th. Over a week ago I found out there was no longer a heart beat, went back in this past tuesday for a second ultrasound hoping and praying it was a HUGE mistake. It was the LONGEST 6 days of my life, it was HELL wondering was it a mistake? My babys really gone?? Come to find out i had a silent/missed miscarriage. My lil embryo of 7 weeks is still inside of me. Doesn't look like my body will be rejecting it anytime soon so now i will be getting the D&C procedure done. I have "cry spells" i guess is what they call it. I'm ok one minute then next minute I'm breaking down with anxiety & a panic attack. It's terrible. I've never experienced anything like this in my entire life. I keep thinking i'll be okay but I really am not. I'm still so lost & broken & hurt.

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Nov 24

Oh ouch! So sorry! Sounds so awful! Sounds like your body and mind are acting exactly the way they should after such a tragedy - OK one minute, a mess the next. Panic, anxiety, lost, broken, hurt. This sounds as bad as the death of a parent or child, and really it is. Please don't berate yourself if you find yourself on crying jags, and anxious and weirdly inappropriate in emotions, etc. One week is a terribly short time to process this immense loss. Can you possibly find yourself an in-person support group for miscarriage (or miscarriage and stillbirth and early infant death, if that's all that's available)? Please contact your hospital, your doctor, your local family health center, your local women's center, your local governmental social worker, your local churches/ mosques/ synagogues/ temples and ask them if they know of any support groups for folks going through what you are going through. What you're feeling is totally normal and sane. It's "a normal reaction to an abnormal situation." Like a war zone. Please keep crying, and writing here, and calling your friends, and find a support group....Hugs.

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Dec 1

thank you so much xoxo


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