I'm 29 years old. I had a miscarriage at 5 weeks last year i

I'm 29 years old. I had a miscarriage at 5 weeks last year in June. That one was hard but I was able to get through it because I figured there was probably a chromosomal issue. I lost a second pregnancy this past week. I was almost 18 weeks. My water ruptured. I had been leaking for a week. I had to induce for fear of infection and gave birth to my baby girl. Me and the father were no longer together but we still talked for the sake of coparenting. But he has not been there for support since I lost the pregnancy. I don't think he really wanted her. He made the whole pregnancy stressful. This has been extremely hard for me. I can't help but feel guilty. Like it was somehow my fault. I had to have a d&c due to retained placenta and am now dealing with huge fibroids and endometreitis. I was just released from the hospital today because of the infection. I don't know how to take my mind off everything and I'm terrified I may never get another chance to be a mother. I live alone. I don't want to keep bothering people with my depression because no one knows exactly how I feel and think i will start to get on everyone's nerves. I have times where I'm kind of ok and then I will just lose it. This is so hard.

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Tundra's picture
[1265]
May 14

Oh it is worse when all the family was excited about it. I hope they spoil you. You can always be a big baby with them. I'm sure someone will take the bait and make you feel loved, pampered by bringing over food, watching some movies. You didn't mention family so I assumed you weren't on good terms with them, but I think you should tell them and slide in that you're lonely, too. I get this feeling you are loved and this happened for a reason, even if it sucks that it happened, but in this situation, I really don't think it's because you would've been a bad mother. If anything the guy you were dealing with just needed to be out of your life for good. An unfortunate way to get that point across. Fate can be cruel. Spend more time with family. Cling to them for awhile. They won't mind.

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[80]
May 14

My heart breaks for you. I had a miscarriage August 15,2017 and I still struggle daily. The pain a mother feels of losing a child is indescribable..

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[7085]
May 14

I'm so sorry to hear about your losses and struggles, girl. My heart ached as I read your posts, and I wish I could give you a hug. Not everyone can understand the grief and pain that accompany such a loss. Please don't be hard on yourself. It wasn't your fault. I said a prayer for you, and I hope that God will surround you with His comfort and heal you whenever you hurt. I'd suggest that you talk to a grief counselor. You might also want to check out the book, I'll Hold You in Heaven, by Jack Hayford. You can always come here to share and I'm here to support you. I know it's not easy, but stay strong. Love & hugs to you!

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