Hi. I’m new here and I’m in need of support. I’m going

Hi. I’m new here and I’m in need of support. I’m going to try to make this as short but informational as possible.
*trigger warning for sexual assault*
I am 23 right now. When I was 18 was sexually assaulted, I don’t like using the R word. He was a friend of my brothers I had just met and he had got mad when I rejected his kiss. He tracked me and forced me into his car and then that’s where he assaulted me. Some weeks go by and I feel absolutely awful, I found out I was pregnant, 8 weeks along. I didn’t tell anyone. At 11 weeks I went and told him and he beat me until I miscarried. It was one of the worst things I’ve ever been through. I wanted nothing to do with men after that. After about 4 years I started sleeping around because I wanted to get the whole situation out of my head. After about 4 months of this I became pregnant again at 22, and again I miscarried at 7 weeks this time. After that I stopped sleeping with guys and started therapy but I have yet to talk about that. I have childhood trauma, I was abused from before I was born. My mom did drugs when she was pregnant with me and then I was heavily abused by her until I moved at 17. Right now I’m struggling with the thought of going back to sleeping around. I know it’s dangerous for me but that’s where my head is. I need advice for not doing those things again and I also need some opinions. I have always felt horrible about losing my babies but I feel as though I don’t deserve to. I don’t want mothers who have lost children, while trying to get pregnant and start a family, to feel hatred towards me. I know this was a lot, but whatever advice and thoughts you have would be great. I’m really struggling at the moment. I’ve been having extreme flashbacks, nightmares and panic attacks. The whole situation makes me stressed and depressed. I just don’t want to burden anyone with my problems.

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Jul 16

@RoseyViolet Thank you. I may reach out if that’s ok. I’ve never really met or talked to anyone who’s been through anything like I have. (Not that it’s the exact same, though) this message has really change my mindset

Jul 19

Dear zbuck,

You are such an inspiration. We all have things in our lives that we could have handled differently but what he did was his own responsibility. I pray that you can work thru the emotions and responses and forgive but you will probably need help. Please share your pain with someone who will understand and be able to help you to walk on. You have done a great job of accepting all that has happened to you but there are people who are equipped to help you to gain a stronger foothold on life. Here is a list of numbers at https://bit.ly/3hPrOGp you can call for resources that will help you to live your life to the fullest. You are precious and I am so sorry that life has handed you so many difficult circumstances. I want for you to find the fullness of all God has planned for you. God will help you to find people who will support and encourage you if you will open yourself to that.

I don’t know why your way has been so rough but I do know that a little encouragement and help from the right people can be a blessing. I am praying for you and will be happy to communicate as you start a new chapter in your life. I will continue to pray for new hope, peace and joy to fill your life. God bless you and keep you in His care.

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Jul 19

@hsgramabrenda thank you! That means so much to me

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