Whenever I talk to my male friends, they will start to bring

Whenever I talk to my male friends, they will start to bring up the topic about how they meet their wifes. I don't mind about that, really. But it always hits me in the heart whenever they get to the part when they said "n I knew it, I gotta marry her!"

For all my life I had been loved by many, no one ever feel that way towards me. I started to think am I that worthless?

Am I not a good enough of a woman?

I don't cheat, I tried to be loyal. Yes I can't cook, but most women don't cook nowadays. I am as positive n supportive as I can. Sexually active n not too ugly. Financially ok. Educated enough...but no men wanted me to include me as part of their lives. As if I'm simply a doll, I belong to a selves instead of being with someone.

I try so hard (n still keep on trying) to just accept the fact that some people are meant to spend their golden age alone. In my case I think I might die alone, unnoticed. My body might be discovered after i'm nothing but bones eaten by rats. I'm feeling so pathetic.

Is it because I'm a quiet woman? But there are lots of quiet women out there n men want them. Is it because I'm a bit overweight? If that's the case I won't even had a boyfriend. Is it because I'm atheist? Yeah it might be. In my present world, the ideal partner is a sweet, religious, n family-loving human. I'm sweet n family-loving. But I'm not a religious.

Friends told me to get a foreign partner b/c they can be atheist. Problem is when it comes to marriage, they suddenly think about the religion gap between both families.

Is it related with my attraction to kitties?

Is the combination of being an atheist, quiet, kitty-lovers, n kinky is that bad that no man wants me?

Maybe it is indeed that bad.

All my friends are married, even the uglier than me. While here I am still single with lots of men in line but none wants me.

Sometimes I tried to cheer myself p thinking that "hey, at least some men wants you...it's better than nothing. At least you can have real sex once in a while"

Yeah, that's my only up side.

But still it doesn't prevent me from crying myself out, wondering how bad of a woman I must be...n I will cry over n over n over...though also empower myself over n over again. Trying to think that life alone is not that bad, there are lots of things I can do by being alone. Or try to believe that couple can't be as happy as I thought. Or even try to believe that I simply have good standard.

But I can't fool myself that I actually feel lonely n desperate.

Feeling not wanted n useless. I want to be wanted like those women.

Feeling like I should not be born at all n I better die.

N then I will cry myself to sleep.

N it will goes on n on...perhaps until the day I actually die.

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@Tomatoe I am still trying to think that maybe marriage life is just not for me n if I were in a marriage it might falls apart. But I still want it. I don't know what tomorrow will brings, but the more I'm aged, the more things I have to scratch out of my bucket list...like children for example. I can't possibly have children in my age now...on top of that, without a husband...

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SympleSylence's picture
[11765]
Oct 16

@Fluffycinnamonroll I know im dealing with loneliness myself everyday its a hard burden to bear sometimes im sorry. Wish i knew how to help.

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[31565]
Oct 16

Hi, I hope you find someone. I know I hope to find someone. I never was the sheepish type that I think guys like. Maybe I'm too independent, even though I don't feel like I am right now.

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