I'm extremely lonely. 30 year old, never been in relationshi

EvanM08's picture
(335)

I'm extremely lonely. 30 year old, never been in relationship, been trying over 5 years (online dating, in-person, etc.). Able to make friends (with all genders) just fine, but romance feels overwhelmingly impossible at this point and I honestly just can't say why. At this point, it feels more like torture to keep trying. But just like many times in past I've tried in past, breaks don't help either, because loneliness gets you to go back, try some more, and again, no better results. Very few dates, I think 7 in total, 0 sexual experience of any kind (not even kissing). I do have disabilities like autism (diagnosed only about 2 years ago), though it's not obvious to most as I appear quite normal. Otherwise, my life is extremely stable, overall physically healthy, work, own my own place and vehicle, no debt, have savings, etc. I even seem to be told I look attractive, but somehow seem to be disappointing people when after meeting most times (most ghost me about 2 days after first date if not before then). If any more noticeable faults, I'm the type of person who's far more likely to be kind and generous to the point where I can be taken advantage of (has happened in past), but is who I am, and fine with it. I am smarter and more careful than I was in past though, especially with some things like bullying from my friends in past and other past traumas. I can say this loneliness is killing me though. I want to be in a relationship badly and I'd really like a bit better understanding or something that can help, because no matter how much I express this to others like best friends, closest family, therapy, etc., they don't really know how to help. And clearly, I'm not succeeding doing this on my own.

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EvanM08's picture
(335)
Dec 4

@GoodGuy1 In some ways, that's what I already have done, and keep needing to do when it gets too difficult to continue. Unfortunately like being between a rock and a hard place. I feel it's too much torture to continue so I stop, taking a break (usually varying amounts of months, sometimes 1, sometimes maybe as much as like 10) and that can give me enough energy to deal with it. But painfully getting by, feeling empty like I do, that continues to get worse over time regardless. So yes, I do need breaks, but I can't just keep coming back, better renewed in some ways or not, and continuing this pattern that clearly is getting me nowhere. It's feels like I'm just unwanted despite knowing very well that's not true and it's not because people dislike who I am or anything like that otherwise I'd have way harder time forming friendships. As far as I can tell, I'm not doing anything obviously wrong, and that's what makes it all the more frustrating. Because I'm feeling so helpless and ostracized without any explanation, at least that is obvious or that I've been able to figure out yet. The only exception is certain lines I refuse to cross. I will never agree to doing knowingly selfish and hurtful things. If any of that helps explain...

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anxiouscursivecat's picture
(2070)
Dec 10

@EvanM08 have you tried meetup.com?

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anxiouscursivecat's picture
(2070)
Dec 10

@EvanM08...have you tried working with an autism-friendly dating coach?

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