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I don't think my hallmates like me very much. They're friend

Herman_the_Merman's picture

I don't think my hallmates like me very much. They're friendly but, only because they feel obligated to be. No one's ever said that they didn't like my company. But, everyone else fits into the dynamic of the hall and I just don't for whatever reason. I have trouble relating to them. They've all become close-knit and I'm just there. I try to make myself approachable and I try to be nice and charming and funny. But, I always seem to fall a little short. The moment becomes flat and the close friendship everyone else has made slips through my grasp. I'm stuck looking in onto everything. Everyone goes out to dinner and on walks and hangs out in the common area to watch movies. And I've never been invited. I'm not saying it's their fault or that they have ostracized me on purpose. They probably just forget. I'm not super unique or quirky or fun. Which means I'm easy to forget about. That doesn't mean the isolation doesn't sting or that the loneliness isn't soul crushing. I haven't been able to actually make friends with anyone in classes or club activities either. I can't talk to anyone about this because I'm supposed to only care about earning good grades so I can get a diploma in whatever makes money and work until I die. Which is a little difficult because everything I'm half-way decent at is useless because the only thing that doesn't make me feel completely dead inside is performing.

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luna1994's picture
Oct 12

@Herman_the_Merman you can't rush relationships or friendships you just need to keep trying and eventually you will find the right people to hang out with just foucs on the more important things and the friendship thing will happen at a later time i hope i was some help to you.

Oct 14

Hey! Sorry this is going on. I have been in your shoes and I know the emotions that are going through your head. I have a hard problem when it comes to not "fitting in". I also tend to care what people think of me. Something I have found out is... I need to be myself and not try so hard when it comes to making friends. You are unique and you are the only "you". The world needs you ... So take it from my past and be yourself, bud. I will be praying for you and hope to hear from you soon!

Oct 16

It may appear that everyone is having fun. I think you may be an introvert which is a Good thing. You observe and think deeply about the world around you. Not every one is blissfully happy as they appear. I was a lot like you in college. all the guys wanted to date me but I was thinking a lot more than most of my friends about more serious subjects. My friends were all thinking about their next beer and I thought like you, "oh they are all happy and having fun I wish I were more simple mnded" but the truth is that people follow other people and they aren't necessarily feeling great just because they are smiling and hanging out. It appears that way to you looking in from the "outside." Go and join them for a movie. If they are in a room watching a movie it is not awkward to enter a student lounge and sit and watch too. Just because you are not personally invited does not mean they did not want you to come. It is perfectly okay to be sensitive in fact it is a sign of intelligence but you do need to understand that the USA is not full of many introverted intellectual sensitives these days so you have to be the one to join in and not expect people to remember to invite you. It is nothing personal you ARE special in a good way. You are sensitive and intelligent and you think more about things. So join the movie if it is in a common area. No one is going to notice you coming in. And you will feel accepted because you will all be sharing in the experience of watching the film people will forget you weren't thee for the beginning. Do not be afraid to join. And do not be afraid to be alone. There is nothing wrong with being independent.

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