Since I was young my friends have put me in second place, no

invisiblesadperson's picture
[360]

Since I was young my friends have put me in second place, now again in my late teens I'm being put on the back burner.. I start to wonder if there is something wrong with me that everyone just seems to have better people, boyfriends, other friends. What am I doing wrong that I have to wave a sign that I actually exist to my own friends. Maybe I just have too much baggage? Am I just that boring and uninteresting? Is my confidence just to low? I don't have many friends, like it's bad.. It's just so hard for me to be social and be out there, maybe if I was more confident in that regard I would have had friends who make me feel like I am good enough. I don't mean that people should put me in first place in their lives, but no one in this world should be treated like their second best in any type of relationship or is that just me? The fact that people leave me alone and lonely even though I tell them how I feel just contributes to my self-loathing. I'm just so sick of it I'd rather be alone without anyone and feel happy than to have friends who don't appreciate me who make me question my self worth and stress for their approval. I'm sorry I know this post is all over the place but I'm just so done with such people..

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Nightinggale777's picture
[3305]
Oct 12

I am feeling the exact same way...its weird it's like you read my mind haha. .still wondering why too...

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Azzie's picture
[1030]
Oct 12

This is a subject I have thought a lot about throughout my life. One thing is, you say you're in your teens - people of that age can be in vast majority unthoughtfull and self-centered (I believe because of the way our society works these days). They don't know how to/never had to care or work on developing "real" or meaningful relationships, they are attracted to shiny things and excitement. If you really wanted to make them your friends I think putting on a mask, acting confident and things like that could work... but, maybe like you, I always prefered to be genuine and alone, no matter how lonely and bored that got me. Another theory I have, that includes people of all ages, is that either you're born with, or your early upbringing creates a kind of "mark" for you. That's what I felt like. Like because you'd been disregarded at an early age, that's what your subconscious thinks your place is. And whether it's your subconscious putting you in that position, or people around subconsciously sensing that, or both, you end up essentially dissmissed in all social situations. Many of my own experiences confirmed that people's complete dissmisal of me had nothing to do with actual logical judgement. They had no actual reasons or explenations for why I wasn't worthy of interest. So in conclusion, if that's your situations too, no matter what, people's interest in you is not a measure of your worth. There are people who will look through and see you. I know it's horrible and lonely and not easy to control, but you can't judge yourself based on that. I'm sorry if this is long and complicated, I just always try to share my experiences in case it's useful to someone else.

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invisiblesadperson's picture
[360]
Oct 16

@Nightinggale777 Maybe there's more of us out there than we think who relate in this way

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