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Last year, I posted here about my ex breaking up with me bec

Last year, I posted here about my ex breaking up with me because he said he wants to focus on his studies and work (at that time he was trying to look for a new job and finishing his masters degree). We didn't talk for a few months but at around November last year, we started talking again and went on dates a few times (even had sex twice). I thought since he has a new work and has finished his graduate studies recently, we can fix our relationship again. He's still sweet when we meet (holds my hand, kisses me) though he doesn't say "I love you" anymore.

Then, just two weeks ago a girl texted me and also sent a message on Facebook. She said she is my ex's girlfriend and she was asking if we still talk. She said they've already had fight about us talking but he always denies or gives excuses. I didn't reply to her. I just forwarded her message to my ex and asked for an explanation.

He said he really had a girlfriend after we broke up but he also broke up with that girl recently. I asked him if she was the real reason why he broke up with me and he said yes. But he also said that he realized later on that he couldn't really love the girl because he kept comparing her to me so he eventually decided to break up. He kept on apologizing. I told him he needs to apologize more on the other girl because she's the one he was committed to. Technically, I don't have the right to feel jealous because we already broke up though of course, it still hurts that he didn't tell me even as a friend. If he did, I should have stayed away.

I was really hurt. All of the pain from my previous abusive relationships came back. My self-esteem was really crushed. Why am I the one always getting dumped or replaced? Was I really not good enough? Am I ugly? During the times he rarely talks to me I'm really feeling that something is odd but I just ignored it. I'm so in love with him and I just really wanna see him happy so I thought if I give him space, things would get better between us. I was so foolish to think that he was just taking a "break" to focus on his goals. I've been cheated in my previous relationships, why didn't I see this coming?

He said he doesn't want to completely let go of what we have because he considers me as his best friend and honestly, he's also still the only person that I'm super close with. He knows me more than anyone. I miss him but I'm also really disappointed and hurt. I don't know what to do.

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[9145]
Sep 18

@enking3 Thank you. It really gets very lonely but I just try to distract myself with other things. Honestly, it's hard to gain self worth when every person you love are leaving you.

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[9145]
Sep 18

@isabellem Thank you for the support. It's really hard to find motivation. I went from the state of depression to being numb. I distract myself with work but eventually, I felt like a robot. You know, waking up everyday for work then going home. I've bottled up the sadness but there's also no spark of joy.

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[9145]
Sep 18

@gonnabgreat I feel exactly the same. I guess, I need to find a way to learn how to move on without finding a new guy. You know it's really tempting to go back on dating sites and meet new people, especially when the loneliness kicks in. But I guess I need to learn how to combat this loneliness on my own.

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