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Ok, I know nobody can relate or even try to help me in my s

Ok, I know nobody can relate or even try to help me in my situation. Its such a difficult thing to explain. I feel so alone in this decision and its eating me alive.

I'm not divorced yet. In fact, things are ok between us. I say ok because we get along and he's a great man. I am the problem. I have never been attracted to him or emotionally connected. Hes a good looking man and kind but somethings always felt off. I'm repulsed to kiss him. As if I married a relative or if I were gay trying to remain straight.

I wanted to leave...but then he got sick and so I stayed ... Its been a downward spiral with his health over the years and it made things worse then before. We are now limited on what we can do and his energy is gone. Alot of the times im dying on the inside because I'm so unhappy, bored and feeling disconnected in our marriage. I've discovered its a incredible commitment for someone so young to make our life revolves around his health. Yes my marriage vows..I'm suppose to stay even if hes sick. But my quality of life is decreasing with his and the fact i was never in love makes it that much more difficult.

Most of all, its killing me knowing I will never have babies.I'm literally sobbing now bc I'm broke by this. .staying means i won't get this. Its not fair to bring a child into the world knowing their parent is dying.. If I stay ill be filled with regrets at the end my life. Yet if I leave and he dies- my best friend...the same will occur. I messed up and I'm a horrible person.

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[1090]
May 29

You may have to factor out the fact that he is sick, because in truth, if he is your best friend, you can be there for him without being with him.

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[1380]
May 30

@Soapnsuds only you know when its time to leave and YES you need to be happy in order to make anyone around you happy. Be honest with him. You never want to live with the 'what ifs' and keep going on through life unhappy. Life is to short. You also matter

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[1380]
May 30

@Soapnsuds you can either hurt him or hurt yourself and still hurt him in the long run

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