so I know with assault survivors there are USUALLY two ways

[3895]

so I know with assault survivors there are USUALLY two ways you go about sexual things. some people avoid it all together and cant be touched, sometimes that is the case with me, and then others become like super sexual which is what I usually do. I know the first is more common, but I was curious how other people have been after being hurt. Is it a bad thing that I basically just sleep around not caring? in my mind ive come to just see myself as a play thing for guys I guess like that is all im good for. and I also just get so lonely that ill take any kind of companionship I can get which is usually just a one night stand. ive also noticed that when a guy becomes too interested in me I freak out and bail as quick as I can. I almost feel like I am knowingly putting myself in bad situations but stopped caring at all at what could happen. there have been multiple instances where I trigger during these one night stands and it sucks but I just kinda leave my body almost and keep doing it all over again. I don't even know if any of this makes sense but ill take any response at all..

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Natet0499's picture
[67975]
Jan 12

Sexual abuse and rape can effect you emotionally more than physically. It tends to take away a person's self esteem. Their self worth. It's something that a person must reinvent themselves. Because of the trauma that you have suffered. Your self worth has been taken from you. You should learn more about how to get that back. And you will begin to care more about yourself. One thing you can try to do. Think what you want out of your life. Where you want to be in ten years. And think about what steps you need to achieve that. Try to put yourself first. Do what's best for you. Do what will better yourself and your situation. Most of the men you have been with are with you only for themselves. Try to think of what can a man offer you that will not just better your night. But better your life. And please remember. You are a wonderful person. You have a lot to offer any man. And it's in your heart and in your soul. Don't let your abuser dictate the rest of your life. He has already taken too much. Please take care. The world mends good people like you

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Conflicted09's picture
[18280]
Jan 12

@Natet0499 you just made me think of this n my situation. I got back myself worth after ten years of struggling with it. Then one night it all just disappeared. I was with my bf of almost 6 years now it was two years ago. Any ideas on that? Like wat the heck happened n how is it possible to loose it again without being attacked again? Sorry this is kinda outta no where

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Natet0499's picture
[67975]
Jan 12

@Conflicted09 please don't apologize for life being tough. It's why we are all here. To learn and grow into something and someone that we want for ourselves. Self esteem and self worth can be something that acts like the tides. People can loss that self worth in troubling times and grow self strength in good times. But a person can gain that self worth in many ways. I think for you. Not that I know you well. But under the information that you have written. One thing you can try is do something for yourself. Something that you know you will enjoy. Enjoying life can build your confidence in yourself. Learning something new can also build confidence in yourself. When a person learns something new or does something they enjoy. They tend to put aside the negative thoughts they hold for themselves. And they can start to believe in themselves again. It doesn't take much. You may even learning something that will bring you to heights that you never thought possible. You are herein this site because you know there is more out there for you. You want to better yourself. That alone shows heart. That you care. About yourself as well as your future. And it's that love that makes you soo precious. And the strength you have is incredible. With all you have gone through. And all the wrong that has been placed upon you. You continue to love. Yourself and life. You are far more amazing than you may have ever thought. You may have gotten a little confused on where to direct your heart. That's not your fault. But you still have plenty of time to find the right places that deserves your love. How and where. Only you know. But if you don't receive that love back. You're looking in the wrong places. Because when you find that fit. You will have no doubts. You will know that you are doing what's best for you. So please continue to love yourself. Take care of yourself. When you find that something or someone that returns your love. It or they will need your love too

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