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I am really struggling. My husband has been in a depressive

I am really struggling. My husband has been in a depressive episode for about 6 months, and it just keeps getting worse despite his seeking care. I always wanted children. I cry every day seeing other women with their children. I just don't know any more if my husband can ever be a father with how things have been going. I love the man I married but feel like he isn't the same person. Part of me feels a duty to be with him and continue to support him and I do still love him but part of me thinks I will never be happy if I don't have a child of my own. I feel like I have to chose between him and motherhood and I don't know what to do. I have my own therapist but she is now pregnant and I don't even want to go anymore because it hurts to see her that way. I don't know what to do and I don't have anyone else I can talk to about it.

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[60]
Mar 13

Thanks everyone. He has always had some issues with depression so is under long term care. He is still seeing this doctors but seems to not be making much effort outside of appointments. I always just so torn because I want to be there for him and I want out marriage to work, but I am having a hard time having none of my needs in the relationship met. We have been married for 2 years. We had talked about kids and he says he wants them. We were even about to start trying before this episode. I am already almost 34. I am terrified of losing my chance you be a mother or having a child with him if he can't even take care of himself.

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[430]
Mar 14

I'm so sorry you're struggling with this. You're still young and I don't think you need to be afraid just yet of losing your chance to be a mother. I am a strong believer though in honoring marriage vows. Thankfully, my husband and I have honored ours through many ups and downs including an affair (of course that wasn't very honorable but a true blessing in hind sight), a stroke, depression and cancer. If your husband is doing all he can to help with his depression then he deserves your love and support. If you both want children then I would say have children. Regardless of him being able to take care of himself I look at it in the same way that let's say you have a baby and your husband is in a horrific accident that leaves him paralyzed. He isn't able to take care of himself. Does that change the fact that you still have a baby, want a baby now have two people who need you to take care of them full time? Would you love him less because he can't help you take care of the baby? Sometimes depression can be as debilitating as being paralyzed. Thankfully, with the right kind of help, therapy and medication the depression can be made better. Not sure if I've helped but I hope to at least given you a little more to think about and some perspective.

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[60]
Mar 14

I'm not saying this is true for you or not...but when my husband started getting really depressed I thought it was his job so I suggested he see a counselor. Well, he did...but it wasn't for his job, it was because he had been hiding a secret from everyone to include me... I don't know, but I can totally understand what its like to see other women with child and you can't have any. I wanted a big family too...but my husband made sure that I would never have that and if I had to do it all over again I would have left him years ago and found someone new! Life is too short...NEVER, NEVER, NEVER sacrifice your happiness and desires for someone else b/c they won't! They will always do what is best for them and screw you over! You are not selfish in anyway! Take it from someone who has walked many miles through loads and loads of ****....

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