I have recently been concidering if I should keep my baby or

I have recently been concidering if I should keep my baby or have an abortion, now I'm considering adoption as I don't think I will be able to deal with me ending my babies life. My ex still wont speak to me so i have no one to speak about this with. I'm so lost

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Jan 15

I said adoption because you can do open adoption which means she can go see the baby whenever she wants to and be apart of the baby’s life instead of just up and leaving and no I’m not adopted but I have cousins who are and we still love them like they weren’t and his mom still comes around and see him she only gave him up because she was young and wanted him to live a good life!

Jan 15

Why do not you want your own baby?

Mosaic's picture
Jan 16

One of my 19 yo daughter's dear friends decided to let her baby be adopted about a year and a half ago, through an open adoption to a wonderful, rich and very nearby family. She had it set up beforehand that the day of the child's birth, my daughter and another dear friend would be allowed into the hospital to meet the baby and take pictures and spend about a half hour all together. The pictures are an absolute treasure, even though the adoptive mother would neither leave the room for a few minutes of the girls' private joy AND pain, nor stop talking herself, AND 'hogging' the baby. They had to struggle to get photos of their friend HOLDING her baby, and no mother and child photo is more lovely and heartwarming. It's painful to think that baby did not get to continue being washed in the love and adoration she was in that moment.

She had never wavered from her decision to give the baby up, from day one of being pregnant. And she was still with the father of the baby: they were in agreement to give the baby up. She was not emotional about it, she liked the adoptive parents, they went to the same church.

She has not been welcomed to visit the baby. The birth mother is poor, the adoptive parents are rich; 'visitation' can't be enforced. To make matters worse, the boyfriend and she broke up a short time later. That's a lot of emotional pain to absorb when you're young: baby's gone, boyfriend's gone. In reverse order in your case, but also just as painful.

OTOH, to have a baby of a man who just broke your heart is no picnic, either. You know that, you're feeling the heartbreak now, and when you are in mother-mode, you want your baby to SEE their father, it's painful to look at that adorable little face and not think how the father MUST not realize how great this child is and if I keep bringing it to him, he will realize and give this baby the love she/he deserves." And the years go by and one day your child asks you, "Where is my father? All the kids have fathers." And then, no matter how you couch it, the child will get the message that their father didn't want them. You may not hear it for years, but, they'll feel it. So, there is pain no matter what choice you make.

Probably better to give to a family to adopt, and hope they'll honor the open part, but, be prepared for maybe they'll change their minds after they have the baby. Who knows, you might end up not wanting contact either for any number of reasons. But the baby will be in a home where they are wanted by both parents, which every child WANTS.

In any case, your decisions will determine the course of life for you and your child. Trust in your instincts.

Love, Mosaic

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