Yesterday was a hard day. I had a doctor's appointment in th

Yesterday was a hard day. I had a doctor's appointment in the town my husband worked in where he had the affair with his co-worker. As I am driving (30 minute drive from my town), I was feeling anxious and wanted to turn around and go home. I get to town and all I could do was look around and say to myself, "I wonder if they went there, or there, or there." I was a mess. When I got home I just went into our bedroom, then in my closet so my kids wouldn't hear me crying. My husband came and found me, and asked what's wrong. Then he got me up and held me. I just cried and kept asking him "why?" It felt good to be held and cry. He did tell me over and over that it wasn't about me and he was so sorry.

Please say some prayers today for my husband, he is going to a job interview this afternoon and it sounds like it will be a great job. They have really pursued him and already did a background check. It looks promising, but I don't want to be overly confident and I know he is nervous.

I hope everyone has a great day!

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BrokininCa's picture
[6365]
Jan 13

@darah Believe me, I totally understand the low self-esteem and rejected feeling. I think I finally am getting tired of feeling bad, I need to look at the positives in myself, and so do you. How can we expect to change anything if we are down on ourselves? We didn't do anything wrong! I hope you have a great day!

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[455]
Jan 13

@BrokininCa words of invaluable wisdom that you offer here: "How can we expect to change anything if we are down on ourselves? We didn't do anything wrong! " I thought I'd moved beyond kicking myself for what happened now almost one year ago. I'm hoping that time will lessen the impact that triggers have. This time last year I was in my kitchen having the kids listen to David Bowie, sending my husband texts telling him I missed him. You see I thought he was on a business trip turns out he was on his third trip to visit OW and that day, where they two shared in the impact of Bowie, as I was writing stupid love text he was boarding a train to a have a romantic day out with her. When he ceased communications she called him a coward for not standing up for what he really wanted. Every once in awhile those words come back to haunt. In particular now as we settle back into semblance of normalcy and experience the routine ups and downs of sharing children in this married life. The sting is deep and lingering no matter how much I puff my chest and remind myself that I matter.

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BrokininCa's picture
[6365]
Jan 13

@BlindsidedTina Believe me, I get it. The way I found out about my husband was a conversation they had through messaging on Facebook. After she ended it with him, he was desperate to remain in contact with her that he told her he wanted to still be friends and that his life sucked. He told her he could give her what she wanted and he would wait for her. In another email to some friend he said that he has only had 2 true loves in his life one was this woman (same name as me), and one from 20 years ago. That he has squandered all these years in between. That was a knife right through my heart because I wasn't either of them. I stood by him through cancer, loss of job, family problems. He was so desperate for this woman, he bought into a scam for a love spell. How do you not feel rejected and low self-esteem? No matter how many times by how many people say "it's not about you," how can you feel that it's not? I finally got tired of feeling so low that I wasn't enjoying my children, I was crying all the time. I took a good look at my husband and saw that he was the one with huge problems, and he was lucky I was still there. He has to live with what he did and the time he missed with his children and I for the rest of his life. He can't get back those moments. I am partially to blame for how bad our marriage was, but no one held a gun to his head and said "go have an affair, go create even more problems for your marriage."

You husband could have chosen to leave you and the kids for this OW, but it sounds like he has chosen to stay and put your marriage back together. I think it will always sting, what they did to us, but if we want to move forward and make our marriages work, we have to somehow change the way we think about ourselves. We didn't deserve this at all, no matter how bad our marriages were. They had a choice, and they chose wrong.

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