Well today marks one month since she told me. That being the

John99's picture
(1350)

Well today marks one month since she told me. That being the case I thought I would give everyone an update on where I am at. Spoiler alert it is not good.

To start I had a nervous breakdown which caused me to take an indefinite leave from work and it looks like I will not be going back anytime soon. I am on antidepressants and in therapy. I have multiple panic attacks on a daily basis. I go days at a time without sleeping. I only get any type of sleep when I basically drop from exhaustion and then I only get 5 or 6 hours. I am still haunted by the **** images in my head of them together. People have raised concerns over my behavior and temper. They tell me I am acting out of character and I have any extremely short fuse. My wife told me last night when we had a fight a few days before. That during that argument she thought I was going to slap her. I have never laid a hand on a woman in my life and she knows that. I really had to be out of control for her to think that. My therapist and I have to work on my anger issues. We will be contacting couples counselors today so we can start doing that soon. The biggest frustration is that we seem to be stuck in the muck when it comes to trying to move forward.

Well that about wraps it up. One month down the rest of my life to go. Here's hoping this next month is better because if it's worse i may really lose my mind.

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Leahzan's picture
(18370)
May 3

I was more viscerally angry than I have ever been in my life. I never hit my husband, but there were many many times I was so close. I threw things, burned things, smashed things. This is something I had never done before. I think the infidelity awakens emotions that we've pushed down for so long. Now they are out and as the betrayed person we don't have a choice but to feel them, and frankly it is the healthier way. But, it is hard to channel the anger into more productive emotions when we are in the heat of the moment. The reality is we are sad, confused, hurt, lonely, disgusted. But, anger is easier to express as anger. Its the only emotion was husband was willing to show.

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Not sure if it helps, but one month in is still fairly recent.... It's no surprise you are feeling so raw. In time, you'll learn some ways to re-direct the anger. Maybe diffuse it a bit. I don't get anywhere near as mad as I used to, but tbh, I kind of hoped I'd be done with it by now. Of course, it would help if my wife had handled things better and truly cut contact with the AP when she was supposed to....

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John99's picture
(1350)
May 3

Thanks for all the support guys. This has been the worst month of my life. You guys kept me sane. Well maybe not but I am not as crazy as I could have been. All of us have been through this hell it helps to know you are not alone. I know I got a long road ahead. Thanks again

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