Well, it has been confirmed. My husband is cheating on me ag

marriedbutheartbroken's picture

Well, it has been confirmed. My husband is cheating on me again. Also just found out that he has been using drugs for the past several months secretly (I am very against this) and the sex with strangers was just because of that (according to him). I am numb and still have to work the rest of the day, from home where my kids are home doing online school because of COVID outbreaks. I am trying to put a good face on and push through....but I also don't think it has totally sunk in yet. We talked on the phone, and I told him that I love him but do not want him to come home tonight. How do I keep from completely breaking down and take care of myself, without freaking out my kids, and make sure that he gets the help he needs?

Leahzan's picture
Jan 13, 2022

The number one advice I will give you is to not take on the burden of making sure he gets the help he needs. You can be supportive, but he has to take those steps on his own. That was the hardest thing for me to realize in my own situation because I like to be in control. But, if you push a path for him that he isn't willing to take, it just adds to the trauma. The only thing that worked for me was to go on walks. It allowed me some time away from the house so that I could breakdown because I couldn't always hold it in. My kids were old enough so that I could leave them for short periods of time. Also, find someone you can confide in. I had a wonderful friend who wasn't connected to my husband and wasn't judgmental (of at least didn't show it). She and my mom were the only one I told for many months because I was uncertain whether I was going to reconcile or not. See if you can get into counseling and talk with a therapist to help you navigate your own self care and ways of handling your distress. And, also know that even the worst case scenario isn't going to be devastating. You can come through this. And, you have a whole lot of people on this site ready to offer support, their own story, help you not feel crazy when you are spiraling. Everyone here had their own path and their own outcome.

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devastatedinptbo's picture
Jan 13, 2022

I’m sorry he has let you down again. I echo everything Leahzan has said above. Focus on your self care and on your children. Your husband has to really want to get help and want to change in order for any kind of counselling or treatment to be effective. Maybe if you don’t step up to take control and fix things for him this time then it will be a motivator or wake-up call for him to take the initiative to do so himself. If he doesn’t… that might be a good sign as to what you can expect going forward with him.

marriedbutheartbroken's picture
Sep 23

Thank you for the kind and supportive words!


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